Tuesday, June 21, 2011

If this buggy's a-rockin' don't come a-knockin'!

Willard Yoder working the bowl cut. 
Not mature enough for the matching Amish chinny beard. 

What's an Amish guy to do?  You're living your simple life, doing your Amish thing which is pretty much chores and church, I guess.   But a young man needs more than chores and hard farm work when the sap starts running, doesn't he?  After you've been looking at plain women with no makeup dressed in long cotton dresses and bonnets, wouldn't you start to yearn for some babeitude beyond the Amish bubble?

If this is what I was around all day,  
I'd be living a pretty rich fantasy life myself

Young, dumb and full of cum, Willard Yoder (love that name), 21, was driven by his longings to sext a 12-year old girl.  Not too legal or too smart, but in his defense he was under the impression she was 13.  And besides, it was just a random sexy shout out to whatever old number came into Willard's horny pea-brain.  The bewildered 12-year old showed the text to her mom who texted Willard back, which began the series of seductive sexting.

We need to pause here for a moment and ask the obvious question.  Aren't the Amish supposed to shun modern technology?  Did Willard somehow devise a windmill powered cell phone?  If so, I'm impressed.

Willard, with an eye on being the country's first Amish congressman, also sexted photos of his boner and other assorted porn to the youngster.  I mean what 12-year old gal isn't completely turned on by cock pics and sex videos.  For a sheltered Amish man, Willard sure has his finger on the pulse of a young woman's heart.  Fair is fair, and Willard wanted photos of the girl's girly parts and described the joys of the various sex acts that he would perform on what he thought was his little Lolita.  Of course, mom eventually alerted the police and a sting was set up.

The best part?  Willard showed up for the illicit tryst in his horse and buggy.  Yep, like a good and true Amish believer Willard wanted to do his shaggin' in the wagon.  Isn't that the most romantic thing you ever heard?  It's like taking a ride in the surrey with the fringe on top only with a kid toucher.

  Back seat lovin', Amish Style. 

So what started as an evening of high hopes and the anticipation of love, ends in arrest and ignominy for a naive young Amish lad.  Willard, sadder but wiser, told police that he realized "it was a bad decision".

Pretty insightful.  You don't get all the way up through the 8th grade without learning something.

1 comment:

  1. I literally laughed my ass off! Love your blog. Keep up the funny fuckery.