Sunday, February 28, 2010

Paging Dr. Drew...Paging Dr. Drew.

Boozy Ape Headed To Rehab:

My first thought when I saw this headline was, oh my god, Tom Sizemore is out of jail and out of control...again!

But no.  It's a real ape and surprise surprise he's Russian.  (A country where the consumption rate for every man, woman and baby is 18 liters of hooch a year.)  Further adding to the woes of Zhora, the simian souse, is that he lost his gig at the circus and was transferred to a zoo in Rostov, Russia.  Imagine.  You could be making big dough in the wide open kleptocracy of the new Russia, and you're stuck being some chimp chump cadging drinks and smokes in a goddam backwater zoo.  Bummer.

Fucked up again.  It's really sad when Zhora's 
common law chimp has to send her chimp kids into 
the saloon to drag his sorry ass back home. 

Like most irresponsible drunks, Zhora has managed to father a passel of chimp kids out of wedlock.  Now Zhora will be sent to a rehab facility outside of Moscow.  Wow, who knew they even had rehab in Russia.  What's the goal?  Cut you down to only three bottles of Vodka a day?

Update:  I just updated re-wrote this post since I must of had a contact drunk or acid flashback when I first skimmed read it.  I had the name wrong and the countries fucked-up.  Outside of that the post was jim dandy.  My apologies.

Johnny Depp becomes a true citizen of smelling like ass!

Neighbors are complaining that after sex the funk 
coming from Johnny and Vanessa's 
bedroom window has all the tomcats in the area 
howling and keeping them awake.

Johnny Depp's performances are consistently good but according to this story his personal hygiene stinks.  Apparently his hot model girlfriend, Vanessa Paradis, is a stank ho as well.  Vanessa, of course, has an excuse...she's French.  At least the Gallic girls use bidets to keep their hoohoo clean.

Robert Pattinson.
If you squeegeed his hair you could run the 
fry basket at McDonald's for a week.

This follows on the heels of the gossip about Robert Pattinson and his toxic BO.  Robert Pattinson, for those of you who don't keep up with these things, is the mega-meterosexual looking dude in the Twilight movies.  He recently stated that he's allergic to vagina which must have sent his teen girl fan base into mass suicide.  He always looks a little greasy to me but maybe he just uses that as vagina repellant.  (Hello, teenage girls?  They have a name for men that are allergic to vagina...and I believe that word is GAY!!)

Brad Pitt with the look that launched a billion 
female masturbatory fantasies the world over. 

"Billy Goat" Brad.
This is what happens when you 
hook up with a succubus that has a kid fetish. 

I think that reeky celebrities use the stinkitude as just another form of narcissistic affectation.  "Oh, look at me...I'm a celebrity but I look and smell like a piss bum.  See how down to earth I am?"

Celebrities.  Not only are some of them assholes.  They smell like one.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Crystal Gail Mangum...the patron saint of batshit crazy women.

Crystal Gail Mangum.  Hmmmmm.  That name sounds familiar.  Oh, yeah.  She was the lying, psychotic, slatternly stripper who ruined the reputations of three Duke lacrosse players and exposed Duke University, the city of Durham and it's local prosecutor, Mike Nifong, to be politically correct brainless morons who couldn't distinguish a shit fake rape story from the shinola of truth.  I highly recommend the definitive book on the case, Until Proven Innocent: Political Correctness and the Shameful Injustices of the Duke Lacrosse Case, by Stuart Taylor Jr. and K.C. Johnson.

Cell phone photo of Crystal in her 
cheesy stripper outfit and bad weave. 

Crystal's latest contribution to the police blotter is an arrest after she attempted to stab her live-in boyfriend and set his clothes on fire in the bathtub.  For this little episode she's been charged with attempted first degree murder, arson, assault, identity theft and various lesser charges including child endangerment since her three kids 10, 9 and 3 were there to witness all of mom's felonious fuckery.  Apparently Durham is unable to afford any child protective services since this certifiable nutbag managed to keep her kids even after the phony rape fiasco.  (They probably had to sell off half the town to defend themselves against the lawsuits brought about by the misbehavior of their mendacious prosecutor, Mike "Disbarred" Nifong.)

No word on whether the boyfriend is white or not.  If he is I'm sure the entire faculty of Duke University will be out banging the pots and talking about how she is once again the victim of a white oppressor.  If he's black?  Nobody will give a shit.

Crystal Gail Mangum in her latest court appearance. 
Her million dollar bail has been reduced to $250,000.
Watch out, men of America...She's got the crazy eyes.

This woman is seriously deranged and has been for most of her adult life.  Read this story from 2007 that recaps her "troubled" life.  Troubled?  I'll say.  She's a boatload of trouble for any man that's stupid enough to come within ten miles of her sorry ass.

Keep in mind that these are the same people that will be running your health care.

If you have a little time to waste at work or whatever, go to this link at The Smoking Gun and read the complaint slips filled out by patrons of the New Jersey Turnpike about the toll booth workers.  These things are fucking hysterical!

Now I understand that being a toll collector on a turnpike has got to fall into the category of shit job.  Boring, cold in the winter, hot in the summer, asshole people and the smell of car exhaust all day.  (Do they have Andy Gumps or do they have to bring a piss bucket?  I'll have to look the next time I go through one of these.)  Your job as a cubicle jockey looks a little better now, doesn't it?

On the other hand.  These are government workers.  Since this is New Jersey I will assume they are unionized government workers.  That means they probably make about $200,000 a year and retire after twenty years on a 95% pension and health benefits that a congressman would envy.  Also, I'd bet you a dime to a donut that not one of the toll collectors in these complaints ever gets fired.  They probably wouldn't get a write up if they took a shot at your car.

Ahhh...the Golden Age of the toll booth collector.  
Friendly, courteous, and smartly dressed in his uniform.
I bet you got a snappy salute along with your change.  

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Android resembling Tiger Woods gives weird speech about something the earthlings call "sex addiction".

Tiger Woods (or the wooden indian they hired to play Tiger Woods) gave a totally pointless press conference Friday morning that by all accounts the entire world took time off to watch.  (Yours truly was out of town and had to catch the reruns.)   I particularly liked all the grim faced women in the front row.  How would you like to come home drunk a 3:00 in the morning to find one of those frowning battleaxes with a rolling pin in her hand?

There is really nothing much to say about the question-less press conference other than I don't think I've ever seen a dude more wanting to be somewhere else in my life.  I think it's beyond obvious that this was a Tiger Corporation ass-covering and an event to hopefully keep the gravy trains running on time.  Nike promptly accepted Tiger's apology, like that wasn't a done deal forgone conclusion.  The press reaction has been mixed to say the least.  Male sports pundits seem to want to put the whole thing away now, while the gyno-pundette sisterhood is still in unforgiving high dudgeon.

Me.  I just don't give a shit.  Golf is boring and I don't understand how anyone can watch it without a bong and an ounce of Turkish hashish.

But, skanks are ALWAYS interesting.  And they're especially interesting when they play the victim card.  First up we have Jamie Jungers.  You remember her.  Lingerie model, "escort" and all around party girl.  Jamie is now, apparently, a professional party girl who gets paid to host bacchanalias in Vegas and other Circles of Hell.  Well, Jamie wants everyone to know that she's "not a home wrecking whore" but thinks that Tiger should also apologize to her and the other mistresses too.  (Whom we'll assume are also not "home wrecking whores".)  Jamie, who wants to transition into modeling and acting also states that "I don't want to be known as Tiger Woods' mistress my whole life."  A little advice, my diminutive doxy?  The moment you are no longer known as Tiger Woods' mistress is the moment you will no longer be paid to host parties.  That seems like nice work if you can get it, so you might want to play this out for as long as you can before you have to start thinking about a real job.  Which for you I  assume will be either be $20.00 for a hand job or $50.00 for a blow job.

Jamie Jungers is living proof that the best way to apply makeup 
is with a paint gun and a putty knife.  
Such a natural beauty should have no problem
 finding actress/modeling work when her 15 minutes of fame
 as a home wrecking whore poor seduced victim 
of a sex addicted golfer is over. 
Photo chosen because The Funeral Guy always 
appreciates a demure panty flash along with an "O" face.  

But Jamie Jungers is stone cold boring compared to Veronica Siwick-Daniels which is the not-fucking-in-front-of-the-camera name of Joslyn James, porn star extraordinaire and another check mark on Tiger's sniz to-do list.  Joslyn (let's call her JJ for short) watched the Tiger embarrassment fest accompanied by her feminazi ambulance chasing lawyer, Gloria Allred and a room full of reporters.  After the no-apologies-to-the-home-wrecking-whore-constituency pseudo press conference, JJ cried tears as big as horse turds as Gloria went on and on about how Tiger professed undying love for his pneumatic
bobble-titted porn star, JJ.  Breaking her heart and getting her twice pregnant and boo hooo, men are such shits and you can't just use women and toss them away and more boo hoo hooooooo.'d have to have a heart of stone not to laugh.  (Thank you, Oscar Wilde.)   Anyway, this is clearly a play for the greenbacks and I think Gloria is making a mistake hitching her wagon to this particular (porn) star.  Even JJ's family thinks she's a lying strumpet and a sociopath.  Just to put more icing on this gooey cake, JJ's a deadbeat mom that's ten grand in arrears on her child support.  Nice.  Now there's a 10 year old son to go along with the rest of the proud as punch family.

The pregnancy angle is a particular howler.  Considering JJ's profession wouldn't that be a bit like loading a shotgun with the jism of a hundred men and blasting it up her porny poonanny and hoping the gazillionaire golfer goop is the one that sticks?

Real whore and famewhore.  Joslyn James and Gloria Allred. 
Gloria apparently told Joslyn to 
dress down for the news conference 
so JJ decided to look like Patty Hearst as a 
disguised 70's terrorist ready to rob a bank.  

This is Joslyn when she's not pretending to be some poor victim 
by the name of Veronica Siwick-Daniels.  It took me about 5 seconds of  Googling to find one of Joslyn's tamer scenes of interracial/triple penetration skankitude.  
To quote Mrs. Funeral Guy, 
"Yuck.  I'll never get that one out of my head." 

If you didn't see Hannity Friday night here's a snippet of the Battle of the Botoxed Lawyer Broads.  A real classic smackdown between Jeanine Pirro and Gloria Allred.   These two have so many chemicals in their faces that I'm sure that there must be a hazmat team standing by in case there's an explosion.  Jeanine is 58 years old and is pretty MILF-y.  Gloria is 68 and I suppose you could say she's a GILF but she's always wearing turtlenecks so you know that she's hiding some major turkey wattles underneath.

I'll have to give this one to Jeanine by a knockout.  Clearly, Gloria didn't have much to work with.  Even she must have had a hard time shoveling that bullshit with a straight face, but I suppose the fact that her face is unable to move helps somewhat.  It's kind of hard to make an argument that some man did your client wrong when she fucks strange dudes in front of a camera for a living.  That coupled with the fact that it wasn't exactly a secret that her "lover" Tiger Woods was married with kids.  Good try, though.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Remind me never to get sick at a Columbian hospital.

Noelia Serna, 45, a woman who was declared dead scared the shit out of funeral home worker, Jaime Aullon, when she moved her arm just as he was starting the embalming process.  Talk about a major misdiagnosis.

Security cameras captured the moment which was fraught with fear and elation.

Here is a picture of the prep room 
at the funeral home where I work.
We like doing things old school.
That's me on the far left, observing.  

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Brit tattoo artist gives multi-millionaire golf champ a run for his money.

The headline in the UK Sun says it all.

I bonked a town.

That would be exhausting for any man.  Unless, of course, that man was a SEX ADDICT!!!!!  Danny James, 27, fucked more than 500 chicks in his town of Lytham St. Annes, Lancashire.   Then when Danny played out all the local poon, he spent a small fortune on taxis so he could troll for trollops in the surrounding areas.  "People treat it like a joke, but it's a real problem." Danny whined.   Shut your gob, horndog.  That's not a problem, that's a career.  Luckily Danny found help with therapist Steven Pope, who also had a female patient that serviced 127 male partners in six months.  I don't know why the therapist didn't just introduce Danny to the female patient.  They could have put an order for a lifetime supply of Astro Glide out for bids.

Not Danny James. 
Just a picture of a skeevy pervert desperately seeking nooky 
that I got from the internet.

Wait a minute.  Stop the presses.  I just got an email from my fact checker, Lexxie.  By god, you're right, Lexxie, my dear.  Excellent  job.  I'll have a little something extra for you come payday.

Hold on, UK Sun.  Hold on, Danny James.  We bloggers are the truth cops of the interwebs, don't you know.  Nothing gets past us.  Lexxie has done a little Googling and I think you have some explaining to do.  According to the 2001 census, the population of Lytham St. Annes was 41,330 people.  Of these, 22,000 were female.  So a little over 500 individual acts of fornication with different women accounts for approximately only 2.3% of the gyno-townsfolk.  I'll grant you that's a good amount of bonking.  But the bonking of a whole town?  I don't think so.

Tiger Woods.  The trophy stays with you.

Drunken lesbian wife beating husbands...they're just like drunken hetero wife beating husbands.

Lesbian marital bliss sometimes goes as stinky sour as the heteronormative kind.  Oregon Assistant Attorney General Susan Gerber, 40, was arrested for punching and choking out her wife, Janice Dulle, 38, last Friday night.  According to the story, Janice, confronted her husband, Susan, about some cheatin' goin' on with another woman of the sapphic persuasion.  Susan then told her wife to mind her own business with a shot to the face and some neck bruises.  Damn, this kind of passion is beginning to sound kind of hot.  Or at least it would be if one of the lesbians didn't look like this.

Susan Gerber.  
Somebody order up a piss test stat,
because that is a meth face if I ever saw one. 
Also, she lives in Oregon.  Case closed. 

Pronoun-wise I'm going by what the story says.  I guess these two have worked out the husband/wife thing.  Is that determined by who wears the strap-on?  I'm always a little confused about these roles when gay marriage is involved.

Anyhoohoo.  Susan, like most members of the spouse-battering community is a boozer along with being a flannel shirt skirt chaser.  That's right.  Susan has admitted that she has had a long running dalliance with Demon Rum.  After she was sprung from the lockup, Susan wisely hied herself off to a rehab facility.

I'd wager that nothing much more than a slap on the wrist will come of this.  First of all, it sounds like Janice wants to kiss, make up and get back to scissoring.

And, in oh-so-politically-correct Oregon, Susan is a three-fer.

She's a woman.  She's a lesbian.  She's an alcoholic ("Hey, I gotta disease...boohoohooo!).

Oh yeah.  She's also a card carrying member of the local legal/law enforcement system.  That's a get out of jail free card right there.

I just took a poll of the guys in my office.  
This is what proper drunken lesbians look like. 

You've got to ask yourself one question. Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya', Punk?

How would you like to have this in your hand when you have that home invader framed in your bedroom doorway?

Taurus makes a revolver that 
shoots .410 shotgun shells and .45LC rounds.
This is a 12 gauge.  Nasty and loud, I bet.

My regulars know I'm a big fan of weaponry.  This one was confiscated in Taiwan.  I have no clue why there is a Beretta USA logo on the side, as this weapon was obviously made in someone's machine shop.

I'd love to shoot it but I bet the recoil is some kind of nasty.

Mortuary technicians behaving badly.

Here's a good one from tbird.

What with all the murders, suicides, car wrecks, overdoses and other manners of unexpected death, you would think that the morgue that is associated with the Office of the Chief Medical Examiner in New York City would be a place that is way too busy for tomfoolery and disrespectful fuckery.  Boy, would you be wrong.

Photos have surfaced of mortuary techs having a goof with body parts and making sport of deceased persons.  Not cool, fool.

Kaihl Brassfield (and head) impersonating a Heisman Trophy.  Hilarious!

Another mortuary employee pretending to be Hamlet.
Real funny, douchebag.  

Suspended technician Kaihl Brassfield, 35, star of some of the more ghoulish photos has said that now that he's older he's stopped with the hideous hijinks.  Earth to Kaihl.  The photos are dated 2004 when you were 29.  That wasn't old enough for you to know you weren't supposed to be playing around with somebody's loved one's head?

First you get drilled, then you get the Doctor of Love.

"I'm sorry, my dear.  Would you repeat that?
I must have been distracted by your long, lovely legs."

Psychologists banging their patients might be a hot plot for a cheap porno but in real life it's considered really bad form (and in some states, a felony).  

But even this simple rule of professional standards was not enough to hold back the carnal desires of the libidinous Dr. Daniel Lerom who is now being sued by his former lover and patient.  And the best part?  The priapic practitioner of Marriage and Relationship Counseling would bill the patient's Blue Cross for each of the sexy sessions.  "'re getting laid and the Doc is gettin' paid."

This being the high-tech, let-it-all-hang-out 21st century we, of course, have text messages from the horny shrink.

"My body felt great all over after last night."

"I wish you were here in the shower with me to warm me up." 

"If I were there, I would kiss you and rub you all over."  

Not exactly a Shakespearean sonnet, but I'm sure the lady got the intent.

The Cock Doc would also refer to himself as her "Red Hot Lover" or RLH for short.  Hahahahaha!

Fun and games, fun and games and then (cue sinister music) Mrs. Lerom gets wind of the shenanigans.  The good doctor drops the patient like the proverbial hot potato after which she promptly has a nervous breakdown and has to be institutionalized.  That'll happen when you're being treated for anxiety, detachment disorder and feelings of hopelessness because you've been rejected by men.

Nice course of treatment, Doctor.  A hot fuck followed by a mind fuck.

I know this might be a shock but this all happened in Florida.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Cool day at the funeral home.

Had a good one on Friday.

Got a call from a hospice nurse about 9:00 in the morning.  Somebody passed away but the family is waiting for another family member to show up so can we wait until about 1:00 to pick up the body?  Sure, no problem.

About noon we get a call from the guy's son.  Can we bring him to the funeral home ourselves?  No law against it.  Come on down.

So at 1:00 the son walks in and says, he's here where do we go?  Around back, we'll meet you there.

At that the family pulls up in this:

Yep.  That's a '66 Pontiac Bonneville.  
Dad really loved the car so it was his last ride. 

Dad is in the front seat in a t-shirt, sweatpants, a ball cap and a pair of sunglasses.  (The latter was a really nice touch, I thought.)  

The sons helped us get him out of the front seat and onto the gurney while the daughters ran around crying, laughing and taking pictures.

As they were leaving I told them they were absolutely the coolest family I'd ever dealt with and I bet their Dad was looking down the whole time laughing his ass off.  The only thing that would have made the episode perfect would have been if the guy's name was Bernie.

I love my job.

Update: tbird points out that I got the picture from flickr which is true.  I didn't mean to imply that the photo was the substitute hearse.  I didn't feel comfortable taking photos of the actual event, so I had to find the car online.  Same color, though.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

I'm telling ya'. Cheat on a woman and her first instinct is to take it out on your penis.

Haven't heard from tbird in awhile, but he's back with another story of a man, and how his cheatin' heart put his penis in jeopardy.  (Sort of like this guy.  Or this guy.)

I'm going to try to make this simple, 'cause it gets kind of complicated.

Cast of Characters. 

Donessa Davis (37)  Victim.  Let's just call him Mr. Horny.
(Mr. Horny is no angel.  He's been charged with child abuse.)

Traci Hood-Davis (31)  Donessa's wife.  Let's call her Mrs. Horny.
(Are those tweaker bumps on her face?)

Therese A. Zeimann (48)  Mr. Horny's lover. 
(Last use of shampoo was 2008)

Michelle M. Bellevieu (43) Ziemann's sister
(Reminds me of Selma Bouvier, 
Homer Simpson's sister-in-law.)

Wendy L. Sewell (44) Another one of Mr. Horny's paramours.   
(She's a man, Baby.  Yeah!!!)

A long story short.

Therese lures Mr. Horny to a motel room, ties him to the bed and blindfolds him under the guise of "Hey baby, are you up for a little B&D sexy time?"  (B&D is slang for bondage and discipline for you sheltered pilgrims out there.)  Apparently, this wasn't a tough sell for Therese, Mr. Horny being...well...Mr. Horny.

Therese then text messages the other three harpies to come join her in the motel room of revenge.  So far, no crime.  Then.  Uh-oh.  Mr. Horny gets a slap in the face, out comes the fingernail epoxy and Mr. Horny's very busy pecker ends up glued to his stomach.  That's one way to keep your man's wang from wandering.  (Wait a minute, Funeral Guy.  Technically, that's not even Therese's man.  That man belongs to Mrs. Horny.  Yeah, I know that.  I said it was complicated.  Not only that, Mrs. Horny was the one to call Therese to clue her in that Mr. Horny was seeing other women.  So Mrs. Horny is plotting all this with the two lovers and the one lover's sister.  Sheesh, if this isn't some kind of crazy cluster fuck it'll sure do until one comes along.)  To add insult to injury (literally) the women are berating and belittling Mr. Horny as he's lying there with his fear-shrunken pee-pee glued to his stomach.  Eventually, Mr. Horny does a Mr. Houdini and works his way out of the restraints and the She-Devil Quartet flees into the night.  (Brooms conveniently parked outside the door, I suspect.)  

Aftermath: Judgement Day.

So how hard did the local Chilton, Wisconsin justice system come down on the the four perpetrators of this outrage?  A few apologetic tears from the defendants and declarations of...jeez, we just kind of got caught up in things, you know.   Oh well, says the prosecutor, there was no permanent damage to the penis.  And the judge says, well...Mr. Horny, victim or not, is without a doubt a skeeve and a scoundrel.  So, no jail time for you, my lovlies.  Give us a few hours of community service then go and sin no more.  Even the judge admits that this might have the appearance of a double standard.  

Ya' think!!!???  Let's say Mr. Horny catches Mrs. Horny cheating.  Imprisons her in a motel room, punches her in the face, glues her vagina shut and belittles and scares the shit out of her.  But no permanent damage, Judge.  No harm, no foul...right?  Wrong.  Bang Bang.  Gavel down...Mr. are going to prison for a very long time.  Damn.  A brotha' can't get no kinda justice in the white man's system.


Mr. Horny sheepishly admits that he might be a bit of a manwhore and leaves the courtroom arm in arm with Mrs. Horny.  On the way out he uses both hands to flip the bird to the waiting cameras.  

And in Conclusion:

1)  Judging by the photos above  Mr. Horny is obviously a poor blind man who is basically just a mindless walking boner. (Lord Almighty!  Have you ever seen such a collection of mutts?) 

2)  I would be very, very surprised if meth was not somehow involved in this escapade. 

Newest headache for TSA? Exploding Tatas!!

The brave al-qaeda terrorist who is willing to pack a bomb up his ass for his suicide mission can now find the (hopefully virgin) girl of his dreams.

Reports are that MI5 (Britain's counterpart to our CIA) has picked up chatter that doctors from Yemen and Pakistan are devising liquid explosive implants for aspiring Jihad-ettes.  Like the underpant bomber only you get to ogle the goods before the big KA-BOOM!

What do you think of this juggy Ji-hottie?
If those bazoos ever get detonated an
 entire city will be just a hole in the ground. 

From what I hear about our Directress of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano, she may be interested in supervising the up close and personal breast inspections herself.

h/t The Conservatarian

Died on this date:

The Music
According to the song "American Pie"
By Don McLean
Buddy Holly
Sept. 7, 1936-Feb. 3, 1959
(Age 22)
Ritchie Valens
May 13, 1941-Feb. 3, 1959
(Age 17)
The Big Bopper
Oct. 24, 1930-Feb. 3, 1959
(Age 28)

Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens and The Big Bopper were the first rock star deaths when Rock was still an infant.  

"Chantilly Lace" and "La Bamba" (The Big Bopper and Ritchie Valens's hits respectively) are early Rock and Roll classics.  Would The Big Bopper and Ritchie Valens  have become more than one hit wonders?  We'll never know.  Buddy Holly, on the other hand, is universally acknowledged as a rock pioneer.  Cited as an influence by The Beatles and pretty much every other rock great of the sixties (Elvis Costello even stole his glasses, for god's sake), Buddy Holly's songs "Not Fade Away", "Words of Love", "That'll Be the Day" and others comprise a pretty amazing catalog for someone so young.  

All died in what would become a rock star death only surpassed by drug overdoses.  A small plane crash leaving a show in Clear Lake, Iowa.  

Monday, February 1, 2010

So I guess the only Man on Man action at the Super Bowl will be on the field.

I suspected this had to be a joke when it was first proposed.  The ad for the gay dating site as been rejected by CBS for it's Super Bowl telecast.  (I don't care either way.  My lack of interest in sports is well documented.)

I suspect this is why the NFL has such a large gay following.

Well, duh.  For god's sake, the country shit a major brick when a middle aged pop singer's nip and booby popped out during halftime a few years back.  And they're going to give the greenlight for an ad that shows two dudes tongue kissing each other?  Uh, I don't think so.

Although the folks behind (tee hee) ManCrunch said they had the 2.5 million bucks to air the ad I'm really skeptical.  But more power to ManCrunch, they got tons of publicity for free.

Below is the ad.  I know I'm not the demographic for this thing but this looks like it cost about $4.00 to produce.  And that's mostly for the potato chips.

Do gay guys really need dating sites?  I thought that was what gay bars and highway rest stop bathrooms were for?

More Hot Teacher Shenanigans in the Big Apple.

New York City has a high school just for immigrants.  Isn't that nice?  And to celebrate their upcoming graduation last June the seniors and 15 of the faculty took a three hour cruise around Manhattan.  Oh, the name of the yacht?  "Fantasy"

And was it ever.  Someone had the bright idea to open the bar up to the adults.  Hey, what could possibly go wrong with that?  Nothing except inebriated teachers getting chummy with their charges and boogying across the line of appropriateness, that's all.  One thing you can say about the Demon Rum.  It can turn a prom into a pants down party right quick.  Whoo hoo!

Taking the Blue Ribbon for lowered inhibitions was teacher Lindsay Dunaj, who wrapped herself around a male student on the dance floor then proceeded to make out with him to the shock of onlookers.  The onlookers included pretty much everybody on the boat since the action was being captured on a giant screen TV.   Let's just say that the principal (also present) was not amused.

Lindsay Dunaj.
Zaftig, horny and ready for forbidden student love.

Lusty Lindsay is no longer a teacher at the school since it came out that she also had indiscretions with another student, Dmitry Prokofyev, who, lucky for Lindsay, was of consenting age.

Previous posts on sex-crazy New York City school teachers are here and here.

Rip Torn auditioning for a new starring role...on A&E's Intervention.

Elmore "Rip" Torn.
Ripped up and Torn up.

Holy shit, Batman.  What the hell was Rip Torn thinking?  The actor, whose real name is Elmore, was arrested in his hometown of Salisbury, CT the other night in the local bank "highly intoxicated" and in possession of a loaded revolver.

The Ripster (did you know his real name was Elmore?  I didn't.) was also arrested in 2004, 2007 and 2008 for drunk driving offenses.

Hey, mean Rip.  Will you take a little advice from an old ex booze hound?  You're 78 years old, dude.  I mean... I've gotten myself into a lot of drunken escapades.  But they usually involved a woman or several women that I probably should have stayed away from.  As fucked up as I've ever been I've never gone into a bank with a loaded gun.  If you're gonna get that shit-faced, stay home.

Elmore.  Get some help.  We'd all like to see Men in Black III one day.

Update: Rip is off to rehab.  We at The Funeral Guy wish him luck in his recovery.