Rip Torn auditioning for a new starring role...on A&E's Intervention.

Elmore "Rip" Torn.

Ripped up and Torn up.

Holy shit, Batman.  What the hell was Rip Torn thinking?  The actor, whose real name is Elmore, was arrested in his hometown of Salisbury, CT the other night in the local bank "highly intoxicated" and in possession of a loaded revolver.

The Ripster (did you know his real name was Elmore?  I didn't.) was also arrested in 2004, 2007 and 2008 for drunk driving offenses.

Hey, Elmore...er...I mean Rip.  Will you take a little advice from an old ex booze hound?  You're 78 years old, dude.  I mean... I've gotten myself into a lot of drunken escapades.  But they usually involved a woman or several women that I probably should have stayed away from.  As fucked up as I've ever been I've never gone into a bank with a loaded gun.  If you're gonna get that shit-faced, stay home.

Elmore.  Get some help.  We'd all like to see Men in Black III one day.

Update: Rip is off to rehab.  We at The Funeral Guy wish him luck in his recovery.

Get yo' sorry self to church, Son, before I bust a cap in yo' ass!

What the hell is in the water in Tennessee these days?  First, we had a drunken cross-dressing four year old staggering through his neighborhood stealing Christmas presents.  Then it was two pug ugly skanks peddling pussy for smokes and now we have a pastor packing heat in church.  And that ain't the holy half of it, brothers and sisters.  The guy he pulled the gun on was his own son.

Michael Colquitt.

It ain't easy being the preacher's kid.

Some Sundays you just want to sleep in then watch the game. 

Pastor Joe Colquitt, 60, of the St. John Missionary Baptist Church called his son, Michael, 32, to join him at the church for a little pow-wow.  The subject on the table?  Michael's poor attendance record at Sunday services.  Well, you know how fathers and sons can get.  Tempers flared.  Michael cussed out the old man and the next thing you know, according to Michael, the pugnacious preacher is loading up his piece and pointing it at his son's head and threatening to kill Michael and his whole family.  Pastor Joe then gave his son a whop to the head to put some punctuation on his argument.  Pastor Joe tells a slightly different version whereas he only pointed the gun at the ceiling but admits he said, "because he cussed his father, God could kill his wife and family."  Alrighty then.  That's the Christian attitude of love and understanding.  The pastor gonna let God do his wet work.

The best part of the story is that Pastor Joe also works at local Blount Memorial Hospital as...are you ready for this?  A CUSTOMER SERVICE REPRESENTATIVE!!  I don't know about you but I think I'll just keep my complaints about patient care at Blount Memorial to myself, thank you very much.  The last thing you need after a botched hernia operation is the customer service guy telling you to shut the fuck up while sticking a gun in your face and by the way God is going to kill your family.

Pastor Joe's desk at work.

There is a hearing date set for February 4th where Michael will ask the court for an order of protection and to separate the angry man of God from his firearms and ammo.  Anger management counseling is also being sought.

Well I should hope so.