Saturday, November 27, 2010

The President gets a swollen lip to match his ego.

President Obama supposedly took an elbow to the face in a White House game of hoops on Friday and had to have twelve stitches to close up his lip.

I say supposedly because I'm calling bullshit on this story.  I mean, come on.  You're telling me, that Barack Obama, the hardest working, most dedicated to his country president that this nation has ever been blessed with, spent the day after Thanksgiving fucking around with his buddies?   When myopic  midget North Korean dictators are lobbing missiles at our staunch ally?  When America is hopelessly stuck on near double digit unemployment?  I don't think so.

Hahahahahaha!!  Just kidding.  Of course, Old Jug Ears was goofing off.  And the country is the better for it, let me tell you.  I'm also thinking that if any elbow got anywhere close to the constantly moving presidential mouth, a Secret Service guy would have double-tapped the offender pronto and with extreme prejudice.

Nope.  I'm thinking cover up and it all goes back to (Dum da dum dum) Michelle Obama.  Yep.  I think the First Battleaxe finally realized that with her feckless hubby's procrastination and lack of leadership the Obama family taxes were going to go up.  'Cause dey rich yo'.  Michelle keep the mind on the money and the money on the mind, so she wapped his mug with a fryin' pan.

My other theory is that he had a buddy land a shot to his chops to hide something else from the ever angry Michelle.

A split lip from the basketball court is a lot easier to explain than this.

Just the thing for the Traditional Catholic Funeral Mass.

Classic steam bath poses for a 
fun-filled fapfest at your fabulous funeral.

Hellllllooooo Frisco!!!!!!  Gay-themed coffins are cumming your way.  Men who love men and want to spend eternity surrounded by images of more men (of the oily nude variety) now have their heavenly vessel.

Mike Konigfeld and his partner (in both senses) Tom Brandi, designers in Cologne, Germany have coffins (we call 'em caskets in this country, pardner) that are tastefully adorned with muscular young men graphics that are sure to put the stiffie on your stiff.

I'm certain that for a few extra Euros, your friendly flaming funeral director will casket you pantsless, face-down and biting the pillow.

Ru Paul's nephew arrested for terrorism.

Mohamed Osman Mohamud in addition to hating the United States 
was upset that his local Wal-Mart ran out of eyeliner and lip gloss on Black Friday. 

A Somali immigrant with the shockingly unlikely name of Mohamed Osman Mohamud was arrested in Portland for allegedly plotting to blow up Christmas revelers on the day after Thanksgiving.

Mohamed who is as short on brains as he is long on beauty, was exchanging emails with what he thought were Pakistani jihadis, but were in fact, U.S. agents of the FBI.  Oh, snap!

In related news, President Obama immediately issued a preemptive pardon to Mr. Mohamed Mohamud as part of his longstanding outreach to the Religion of Peace™.