Paging Dr. Drew...Paging Dr. Drew.

Boozy Ape Headed To Rehab:

My first thought when I saw this headline was, oh my god, Tom Sizemore is out of jail and out of control...again!

But no.  It's a real ape and surprise surprise he's Russian.  (A country where the consumption rate for every man, woman and baby is 18 liters of hooch a year.)  Further adding to the woes of Zhora, the simian souse, is that he lost his gig at the circus and was transferred to a zoo in Rostov, Russia.  Imagine.  You could be making big dough in the wide open kleptocracy of the new Russia, and you're stuck being some chimp chump cadging drinks and smokes in a goddam backwater zoo.  Bummer.

Fucked up again.  It's really sad when Zhora's 
common law chimp has to send her chimp kids into 

the saloon to drag his sorry ass back home. 

Like most irresponsible drunks, Zhora has managed to father a passel of chimp kids out of wedlock.  Now Zhora will be sent to a rehab facility outside of Moscow.  Wow, who knew they even had rehab in Russia.  What's the goal?  Cut you down to only three bottles of Vodka a day?

Update:  I just updated re-wrote this post since I must of had a contact drunk or acid flashback when I first skimmed read it.  I had the name wrong and the countries fucked-up.  Outside of that the post was jim dandy.  My apologies.