Wednesday, February 3, 2010

I'm telling ya'. Cheat on a woman and her first instinct is to take it out on your penis.

Haven't heard from tbird in awhile, but he's back with another story of a man, and how his cheatin' heart put his penis in jeopardy.  (Sort of like this guy.  Or this guy.)

I'm going to try to make this simple, 'cause it gets kind of complicated.

Cast of Characters. 

Donessa Davis (37)  Victim.  Let's just call him Mr. Horny.
(Mr. Horny is no angel.  He's been charged with child abuse.)

Traci Hood-Davis (31)  Donessa's wife.  Let's call her Mrs. Horny.
(Are those tweaker bumps on her face?)

Therese A. Zeimann (48)  Mr. Horny's lover. 
(Last use of shampoo was 2008)

Michelle M. Bellevieu (43) Ziemann's sister
(Reminds me of Selma Bouvier, 
Homer Simpson's sister-in-law.)

Wendy L. Sewell (44) Another one of Mr. Horny's paramours.   
(She's a man, Baby.  Yeah!!!)

A long story short.

Therese lures Mr. Horny to a motel room, ties him to the bed and blindfolds him under the guise of "Hey baby, are you up for a little B&D sexy time?"  (B&D is slang for bondage and discipline for you sheltered pilgrims out there.)  Apparently, this wasn't a tough sell for Therese, Mr. Horny being...well...Mr. Horny.

Therese then text messages the other three harpies to come join her in the motel room of revenge.  So far, no crime.  Then.  Uh-oh.  Mr. Horny gets a slap in the face, out comes the fingernail epoxy and Mr. Horny's very busy pecker ends up glued to his stomach.  That's one way to keep your man's wang from wandering.  (Wait a minute, Funeral Guy.  Technically, that's not even Therese's man.  That man belongs to Mrs. Horny.  Yeah, I know that.  I said it was complicated.  Not only that, Mrs. Horny was the one to call Therese to clue her in that Mr. Horny was seeing other women.  So Mrs. Horny is plotting all this with the two lovers and the one lover's sister.  Sheesh, if this isn't some kind of crazy cluster fuck it'll sure do until one comes along.)  To add insult to injury (literally) the women are berating and belittling Mr. Horny as he's lying there with his fear-shrunken pee-pee glued to his stomach.  Eventually, Mr. Horny does a Mr. Houdini and works his way out of the restraints and the She-Devil Quartet flees into the night.  (Brooms conveniently parked outside the door, I suspect.)  

Aftermath: Judgement Day.

So how hard did the local Chilton, Wisconsin justice system come down on the the four perpetrators of this outrage?  A few apologetic tears from the defendants and declarations of...jeez, we just kind of got caught up in things, you know.   Oh well, says the prosecutor, there was no permanent damage to the penis.  And the judge says, well...Mr. Horny, victim or not, is without a doubt a skeeve and a scoundrel.  So, no jail time for you, my lovlies.  Give us a few hours of community service then go and sin no more.  Even the judge admits that this might have the appearance of a double standard.  

Ya' think!!!???  Let's say Mr. Horny catches Mrs. Horny cheating.  Imprisons her in a motel room, punches her in the face, glues her vagina shut and belittles and scares the shit out of her.  But no permanent damage, Judge.  No harm, no foul...right?  Wrong.  Bang Bang.  Gavel down...Mr. are going to prison for a very long time.  Damn.  A brotha' can't get no kinda justice in the white man's system.


Mr. Horny sheepishly admits that he might be a bit of a manwhore and leaves the courtroom arm in arm with Mrs. Horny.  On the way out he uses both hands to flip the bird to the waiting cameras.  

And in Conclusion:

1)  Judging by the photos above  Mr. Horny is obviously a poor blind man who is basically just a mindless walking boner. (Lord Almighty!  Have you ever seen such a collection of mutts?) 

2)  I would be very, very surprised if meth was not somehow involved in this escapade. 


  1. Thanks TFG, I knew if anyone could make sense of this it would be you!

  2. Great idea!

  3. You bet it's a great idea. I posted about this on October 29.