Another penis sacrificed to The Cult of Lorena Bobbit.

The Funeral Guy has been tracking penis slicing, burning and all around abuse (not counting self-abuse) since we started.  See here, here and here.

I think we now have a new contender for the Queen of Dick Destruction.  Catherine Kieu Becker, 48, was in the process of divorcing her husband when she laced his food with either poison or some kind of sleeping nostrum.  Mr. Becker went to slumber town and upon awakening found himself tied to the bed.  Catherine approached with a knife and sliced off the Becker Pecker and (shudder) threw it in the garbage disposal.  Then, with what I can only imagine to be a maniacal cackle she turned on the switch.  Ye gods, picture the horror of that poor man.  The grinding sound of his peenie flesh mixing with chicken bones and potato peels as tissue, veins and capillaries meet the whirling blades of the trusty Insinkerator™.  Mrs. Becker called the cops before her husband bled to death and told them on arrival that he "deserved it".   Police have said there's been no record of domestic abuse so a motive is now being sought.  Motive?  How about she's a fucking vengeful menopausal shrew?

Catherine Kieu Becker. 

Knows where to hit a guy and make it hurt.  

Some women really have a penchant for this kind of revenge.  Catherine, who has been charged with aggravated mayhem, false imprisonment and assault with a deadly weapon, will soon be spinning tales of drunkenness, cruelty, and leaving the toilet seat up on the part of the poor penis-less Mr. Becker.  With the added bonus of celebrity famewhore attorney Gloria Allred by her side giving sympathy and comfort, I bet.  I know they don't give the death penalty for anything short of murder, but come on.  Shouldn't there be an exception for this?

What the hell was Mr. Becker (no first name yet) doing breaking bread with this unbalanced battle-ax?  If you're getting a divorce, get the fuck out of the house.  Get a hotel room and keep a gun under your pillow.  Even the meekest women are capable of extreme derangement.  Always be on your guard, especially when they get real quiet.  I appreciate that the article goes into great detail about what to do if you ever find your penis has been detached from your body.  For god's sake!  How often does this happen?

When a man gets domestically violent he might hit the woman.  He might even shoot or stab her.  Very rarely will he cut her tits off or otherwise do damage to her vagina.  Woman are like angry chimps.  After they tear your face off they go straight for your genitals.

I wonder if a guy in a gay marriage would ever cut his spouse's dick off.  I suspect we'll find out soon enough.

I'm telling ya'. Cheat on a woman and her first instinct is to take it out on your penis.

Haven't heard from tbird in awhile, but he's back with another story of a man, and how his cheatin' heart put his penis in jeopardy.  (Sort of like this guy.  Or this guy.)

I'm going to try to make this simple, 'cause it gets kind of complicated.

Cast of Characters. 

Donessa Davis (37)  Victim.  Let's just call him Mr. Horny.

(Mr. Horny is no angel.  He's been charged with child abuse.)

Traci Hood-Davis (31)  Donessa's wife.  Let's call her Mrs. Horny.

(Are those tweaker bumps on her face?)

Therese A. Zeimann (48)  Mr. Horny's lover. 
(Last use of shampoo was 2008)

Michelle M. Bellevieu (43) Ziemann's sister
(Reminds me of Selma Bouvier, 
Homer Simpson's sister-in-law.)

Wendy L. Sewell (44) Another one of Mr. Horny's paramours.   

(She's a man, Baby.  Yeah!!!)

A long story short.

Therese lures Mr. Horny to a motel room, ties him to the bed and blindfolds him under the guise of "Hey baby, are you up for a little B&D sexy time?"  (B&D is slang for bondage and discipline for you sheltered pilgrims out there.)  Apparently, this wasn't a tough sell for Therese, Mr. Horny being...well...Mr. Horny.

Therese then text messages the other three harpies to come join her in the motel room of revenge.  So far, no crime.  Then.  Uh-oh.  Mr. Horny gets a slap in the face, out comes the fingernail epoxy and Mr. Horny's very busy pecker ends up glued to his stomach.  That's one way to keep your man's wang from wandering.  (Wait a minute, Funeral Guy.  Technically, that's not even Therese's man.  That man belongs to Mrs. Horny.  Yeah, I know that.  I said it was complicated.  Not only that, Mrs. Horny was the one to call Therese to clue her in that Mr. Horny was seeing other women.  So Mrs. Horny is plotting all this with the two lovers and the one lover's sister.  Sheesh, if this isn't some kind of crazy cluster fuck it'll sure do until one comes along.)  To add insult to injury (literally) the women are berating and belittling Mr. Horny as he's lying there with his fear-shrunken pee-pee glued to his stomach.  Eventually, Mr. Horny does a Mr. Houdini and works his way out of the restraints and the She-Devil Quartet flees into the night.  (Brooms conveniently parked outside the door, I suspect.)  

Aftermath: Judgement Day.

So how hard did the local Chilton, Wisconsin justice system come down on the the four perpetrators of this outrage?  A few apologetic tears from the defendants and declarations of...jeez, we just kind of got caught up in things, you know.   Oh well, says the prosecutor, there was no permanent damage to the penis.  And the judge says, well...Mr. Horny, victim or not, is without a doubt a skeeve and a scoundrel.  So, no jail time for you, my lovlies.  Give us a few hours of community service then go and sin no more.  Even the judge admits that this might have the appearance of a double standard.  

Ya' think!!!???  Let's say Mr. Horny catches Mrs. Horny cheating.  Imprisons her in a motel room, punches her in the face, glues her vagina shut and belittles and scares the shit out of her.  But no permanent damage, Judge.  No harm, no foul...right?  Wrong.  Bang Bang.  Gavel down...Mr. Horny...you are going to prison for a very long time.  Damn.  A brotha' can't get no kinda justice in the white man's system.

Epilogue:  

Mr. Horny sheepishly admits that he might be a bit of a manwhore and leaves the courtroom arm in arm with Mrs. Horny.  On the way out he uses both hands to flip the bird to the waiting cameras.  

And in Conclusion:

1)  Judging by the photos above  Mr. Horny is obviously a poor blind man who is basically just a mindless walking boner. (Lord Almighty!  Have you ever seen such a collection of mutts?) 

2)  I would be very, very surprised if meth was not somehow involved in this escapade. 

Man literally lays pipe.

From the always readable UK Sun.

Some doofus numbnuts from Britain got his cock stuck in a length of pipe and it had to have it removed with a grinding tool.  Frankly, I think the fact that he was grinding his tool into a pipe was the cause of his troubles.

I like how the story notes that the man failed to explain how his turgid member found it's way into the pipe.

Let's put on our Sherlock hats and see if we can use our powers of deduction, shall we?

1)  He's a Brit.  Ergo, he's drunk.

2) He's a guy.  Ergo, he's horny.

Deduction:  He looks bleary-eyed at a length of pipe and sees a pussy.  Case closed.

 Soon as I'm done here 
I'm gonna find me something to fuck, Mate. 

For god's sake, don't show this story to Elin Woods.

When a man gets angry at his significant other and I mean really, really pissed off, he might smack her in the face.  Or stab her.  Or shoot her even.  Do I really have to say that I don't condone any of this stuff?  But some women when they get mad.  They go straight for the love noodle.  I've never heard of a jealous guy putting glue in his lover's vagina.

Najini Narayan.  Ugly as a mud fence.  

Men of Australia BOLO

If seen with lighter fluid and a Bic

RUNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!

Here is the latest member of the Cult of Lorena Bobbitt.  Najini Narayan, put the torch to her husband Satish's genitals.  Well, she must have used a military grade flamethrower because not only did Satish expire from his burns a few weeks later, but the house burned down for good measure.  "I'm a jealous wife, his penis should belong to me.  I just wanted to burn his penis so it would belong to me and no one else...I didn't mean this to happen." explained the batshit crazy spouse.  You just wanted it to belong to you?  As what?  A charred hot dog?  Then what were you going to do?  Put a little Neosporin on it then back to the love nest for sexy time?  Did I mention that this menace to male society is walking around out on bail?  

Najini is not the first to kill her victim in frenzy of joystick abuse.  Remember Bridget Harris?  She didn't want to kill her daddy either even though she cut off his johnson in revenge over alleged incest.  Oh well, its hard to make an omelette without breaking a few eggs, eh?

h/t tbird