Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Forget backpacks. Be on the alert for bearded guys with turbans and constipated expressions.

In a new wrinkle in the terrorism war, Al Qaeda suicide bombers are taking a lesson from the drug smuggling trade and hiding explosives in their body cavities.  (That's up the ass for those of you with less delicate sensibilities.)
Terrorist Abdullah Asieri 

Simple.  Anybody at a checkpoint that looks like this with a pained expression on his face gets a full cavity search 
with a garden weasel.

Al Qaeda operative Abdullah Aseiri managed get next to Prince Mohammed Bin Nayef, head of Saudi counter terrorism operations, with one pound of explosives and a detonator up his pooper.  Ouch, my butthole's starting to pucker just thinking about it.  Then with a cell phone signal to the detonator....KABOOOOOM!!!   Fortunately the Prince survived the blast with minor injuries, a face full of shadooky and one hell of a dry cleaning bill.  I will assume that Abdullah met his 72 virgins as nothing more than a big pile of goo.  (Maybe in that culture that's considered handsome.)

Experts are warning that this form of attack is very hard to defend against.  I'll say.  Anybody that is willing to shove a full pound of C4 and a detonator up his butt is a formidable foe indeed.

Maybe Al Qaeda recruits from their "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" brigade.

Hey, Achmed.  You'll probably want to avoid that
 lamb and falafel dinner after packing this baby in your keister. 

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