Tuesday, September 29, 2009

I hear they might be hiring at Wal-Mart.

Turn your hat around fool, you're 32 years old for God's sake.

Jon Gosselin has been downsized.  His name is off the marquee (the show is now renamed Kate plus 8) and he's only scheduled for occasional appearances.   This means he will soon be burnt toast as far as the show is concerned.  Stevie Wonder could have seen this one coming.

I don't know what it is but I'm fascinated by this trainwreck and I've never actually watched an entire episode.  (Posts here and here.)  Short clips from The Soup and gossip on the interwebs are about all I can take.

Let's put aside the fact that the eight kids will be in therapy and rehab for years after these two horrors get through with them.  The focus of my curiosity is on the two adults.  When it became apparent that the marriage was going south, I think the audience just felt sorry for the whole situation.  Anyone with half a brain could see that Kate was a control freak ball buster and that Jon was a pussy whipped doofus.  Be that as it may, they were surely smart enough to see that pimping out the family was going to bring in the biggest paycheck they were ever going to see.  All they had to do was look sad, pretend that they were working on the marriage, struggle with the kids emotions and the gravy train would just keep on rolling.

Where it all really started to go wrong was, of course, with Jon.  Jon is a guy.  Jon is a guy with a little bit of fame.  Jon is a guy with just enough fame that C grade attention whores throw themselves at him and give his ego a boost.  I can understand this.  Any man can understand this.  I can only imagine what a succubus like Kate would make this guy go through just to get a ride in the sack.  And all those kids?  Folks, this was a recipe for the middle age crazies two decades early.

Once Jon started gracing the tabloids with the young trim it was all over.  It didn't matter if Kate made Lady Macbeth look like Mother Theresa.  Once the still married "family man" started acting like a spring break pussy hound the audience turned on him like a junkyard pit bull.  And by audience I mean women.  TLC is the network of What Not To Wear and Say Yes To The Dress not Ice Road Truckers and Gangland.

Jon, once you started acting like a real guy you were doomed to get the heave-ho.  Kate might be a royal pain in the ass bitch, but she's still in The Sisterhood.  Checkmate.  You lose.

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