Three Quick Crime Hits As We Go Into The Weekend.

The first one is a local Southland story.  They dubbed this a "Thelma and Louise" crime spree.  For six days these two (who met in prison in Chowchilla-Big shock) were carjacking, armed robbing, purse-snatching and God only knows what else until they were finally run to ground by LAPD coppers.

Thelma and Louise??!!  

The movie versions of Thelma and Louise 

were foxy and doable.  

These two?  I'll paraphrase another movie title.  

How about Butch and Butcher. 

(The one on the right is NOT A DUDE!)

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This next story is from Sweden and involves a German truck driver who flipped over and crashed his rig.  In addition to being under the influence of narcotics the driver admitted to the local polisen that he was also distracted by the fact that he was boxing his goofy when the wreck occurred.  I'm not going to call this an accident since being high and playing with yourself while driving almost guaranties a bad outcome.  I'm also not going to lay this all off on eurotrash truckers.  I'm sure we in America have highways full of onanistic drivers.  Have you ever seen the vast array of porn on sale in truck stops?

Anyway, back to the best part of the story.  Apparently since the wreck interrupted our goatish trucker  before completion, the horny little devil went back to playing with his giggle stick while being questioned by authorities.

This being Sweden I'm actually surprised they found this behavior to be newsworthy.

Hard to have a serious interrogation 

with a guy that's making his "O" face.

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Ok.  Last one.  I've posted about animal diddlers before.  Here we have a Moorestown, NJ cop (A COP!) accused of cruelty to animals.  Like a lot of states, New Jersey has no specific prohibition against bestiality.  Robert Melia (since suspended) was accused of putting his peenie into the mouths of five calfs in rural Southhampton in 2006.  In what must have been a hysterically funny hearing straight out of Alice in Wonderland, the prosecutor and judge were bandying about whether a grand jury could find that the calfs were "tormented" or "puzzled" by the situation.  The situation being that they had something vaguely teat-like in their mouth but weren't getting any milk.  (Insert your own joke here.)  The prosecutor even related the the cows owner said that they (meaning the cows) were "very upset" about the incident.  So after much back and forth and to and fro...gavel down...Case Dismissed.

Just as an aside.  I  consider myself a pretty worldly guy but I gotta admit I'm at kind of at a loss with this kind of stuff.  I was a city boy.  Don't cows (or calfs) have teeth?  It seems pretty risky putting your one and only love pole in an animal's mouth.  Or does that add to the thrill?  But again, I'm relatively uninformed in this area.

But on with our story.  Bob's troubles don't end there, I'm afraid.  It seems that Melia along with his girlfriend Heather Lewis (now ex-girlfriend) are charged with sexually assaulting three young girls and a boy over a five year period.  The obligatory kiddie porn was found on his computer along with videos of him and the cows.

With some guys it's just one thing after another.

Robert Melia. Inter-species deviant.

Heather Lewis.  A face that drives men to bovine blow jobs.