If this buggy's a-rockin' don't come a-knockin'!

Willard Yoder working the bowl cut. 

Not mature enough for the matching Amish chinny beard. 

What's an Amish guy to do?  You're living your simple life, doing your Amish thing which is pretty much chores and church, I guess.   But a young man needs more than chores and hard farm work when the sap starts running, doesn't he?  After you've been looking at plain women with no makeup dressed in long cotton dresses and bonnets, wouldn't you start to yearn for some babeitude beyond the Amish bubble?

If this is what I was around all day,  

I'd be living a pretty rich fantasy life myself. 

Young, dumb and full of cum, Willard Yoder (love that name), 21, was driven by his longings to sext a 12-year old girl.  Not too legal or too smart, but in his defense he was under the impression she was 13.  And besides, it was just a random sexy shout out to whatever old number came into Willard's horny pea-brain.  The bewildered 12-year old showed the text to her mom who texted Willard back, which began the series of seductive sexting.

We need to pause here for a moment and ask the obvious question.  Aren't the Amish supposed to shun modern technology?  Did Willard somehow devise a windmill powered cell phone?  If so, I'm impressed.

Willard, with an eye on being the country's first Amish congressman, also sexted photos of his boner and other assorted porn to the youngster.  I mean what 12-year old gal isn't completely turned on by cock pics and sex videos.  For a sheltered Amish man, Willard sure has his finger on the pulse of a young woman's heart.  Fair is fair, and Willard wanted photos of the girl's girly parts and described the joys of the various sex acts that he would perform on what he thought was his little Lolita.  Of course, mom eventually alerted the police and a sting was set up.

The best part?  Willard showed up for the illicit tryst in his horse and buggy.  Yep, like a good and true Amish believer Willard wanted to do his shaggin' in the wagon.  Isn't that the most romantic thing you ever heard?  It's like taking a ride in the surrey with the fringe on top only with a kid toucher.

  Back seat lovin', Amish Style. 

So what started as an evening of high hopes and the anticipation of love, ends in arrest and ignominy for a naive young Amish lad.  Willard, sadder but wiser, told police that he realized "it was a bad decision".

Pretty insightful.  You don't get all the way up through the 8th grade without learning something.

More Hot Water to Cook The Weiner In.

We now have transcripts of the Facebook message exchanges between Anthony Weiner and 40 year old Vegas blackjack dealer, Lisa Weiss.  I'm tempted to refer to Mr. Weiner as soon-to-be-ex-Congressman Weiner, because when people start reading this horny fuckery his career is most assuredly over.  The Funeral Guy prediction is that the resignation statement will be released this Friday at 4:30 PM EST.

You really need to sit back, relax, get yourself some wine and read through this whole transcript.  It's actually pretty hot and you may need a cigarette after you're done.  I've never been a phone sex enthusiast.  If I can't actually be there I rather just read a book.  The couple of times I tried it I couldn't help but turn it into a joke.  The whole thing seemed so fucking stupid.  (What are you wearing? Talk, stroke, talk, stroke, oh, yeah.)  Just not my bag, baby.  But Lisa Weiss and the Weiner (sounds like a sitcom or an 80's new wave band, doesn't it?) are real frisky and into it.  And this is Instant Message sex.  Not even a voice. You really should read the whole thing, but the flavor is pretty much what you'd expect.  (Ladies, it may help if you drive the image of the dweeby little creepaziod Anthony Weiner out of your head as you read this and substitute the hunky movie star of your choice. )

Lisa Weiss.  Hot and not underage.  

Has tight, wet pussy.  Loves giving head and swallows.

I'm guessing this info is not on her Facebook page.

The Weiner spends most of his time commenting on his cock and how hard it is.  Only once does he ask if her "pussy is still tight and wet for me, baby?"  There's a lot of talk of "cum" and "cumming" his "hard cock" and does she like it "big and fat".   One of my favorite passages is, "think of my rock hard cock. practice saying, 'god, anthony, I'm coming again."  Get it?  She needs to practice saying that because he's going to make her "cum" more than once.  I'm sure no man has ever pulled off that feat of superhuman sexuality, eh, Lisa?   And you thought Casanova was a smooth talker?

She seems to be quite impressed with Weiner being Super Lib and wants to be his partner in the mighty crusade to kick GOP ass.  Lisa and The Weiner are simpatico when it comes to Republican hatred.  On August 19th 2010 she messages, "idiots i work with love this stupid bitch" (I assume she's referring to Republican Senatorial candidate Sharron Angle) "i ask them all if they will be turning down their social security and medicare...let's kick some gop ass! i hate them!"  She fluffs Anthony's ego with this declaration.  "You are the coolest dem on the planet.  they need to all be as tough as you...and you are damn funny!  keep fighting for the sane people in this country!"  The sane people being 40 year old Vegas blackjack dealers like her with way too much spare time to whore around on Facebook bragging about boning her "fuck friend" since her Web Wanking favorite congressman can't get to Vegas to service her tight, wet pussy.

This query from The Weiner stood out to me.  He asks Lisa, "you give good head?" She replies, "i've been told really good...love doing it"  Then Anthony drops the Jewish American Princess Stereotype--"wow a jewish girl who sucks cock! this thing [his hard cock again] is ready to do damage."  Lisa then ups the ante (get it? blackjack dealer?) replying,  "and swallows every drop. god damn how do I get you here to fuck me?"  (For the record, I've never had a problem with Jewish ladies and their alleged prudishness.  The Jews are always getting unfairly libeled.)

This juvenile sex twaddle goes on and on and on.  Gagging on hot cock, hard dicks in the shower, fat cocks, so fucking hard, you Facebook slut, pussy juice, I'm horny a lot, etc, etc, etc.  Endless comedy gold.

It is one thing to get up at a press conference and admit "inappropriate communications with women."  It's a whole other ball game to read the actual comments.  This is why I say Congressmen Weiner will very soon be ex-Congressman Weiner.  I don't even need to see the picture of his naked hard-on that Breitbart has to make that prediction. (Go here.)  Because, frankly, this is far worse.

Here we have a sitting congressman having dirty sexy-time exchanges (let's put aside all the other snizz he's been talking to) with a 40 year old blackjack dealer in Las Vegas.  Now there's some stellar judgment.  Why, if you can't trust a Vegas blackjack dealer to be discreet, who can you trust?  Anthony Weiner sits on the house committee on Energy and Commerce.  Is is possible that having a guy like Weiner in your pocket might be worth something to some Nevada sleazeball?  A sleazeball that might be known to a certain Las Vegas casino blackjack dealer?   Do you see where I'm going with this?  This is beyond reckless.  Representative Weiner is a dangerous man to have in Congress.

At some point Wiener-wife Huma will probably have to weigh in on this.  Either as a stand-by-your-flawed-man moment (Boss Hillary can give her pointers on this strategy.) Or.  My money is on Huma cutting this shitbag loose.  They don't have any kids (thank God) and what the hell does she need this kind of humiliation for?  It's not like she's going to be riding Anthony's skyrocket up the political power ladder.  I would suspect that just like Tiger Woods more trollops are going to appear now that the gravy train is filling up and Huma ain't gonna put up with the bullshit of an endless poon parade.

Meagan Broussard.  Single mom with nice titties.  

Congressman bait?  You betcha'!!

One last word on the women on the other end of these Cellphone/Facebook/Twitter/Whatever The Fuck sexcapades.  I'm not so sure we should be so quick to let these broads off the hook.  Weiner is a dirtbag but a famous dirtbag.  A famous liberal.  I'm sure that was part of the attraction.  It wasn't a big secret the congressman was married.  Meagan Broussard, the 26 year old that he was Facebook flirting with knew he was attached.  Last night Hannity kept referring to her as a "young girl".  Fucking hell, Sean.  Ex-army, single mom and 26 years old.   Let's not act like she's a 16 year old runaway that got roped in by a pimp at the bus station.   She tweeted him a photo of herself in her bra and bathrobe.  We live in a culture where there is no shame in being a starfucker and it still takes two to Tango.

I want to see a woman come forward with a story where Anthony Weiner started a cyber seduction and got the reply. "I don't care if you're a fucking congressman or not.  You're a creep and a pervert.  Don't tweet me.  Unfriend me. Don't contact me.  And if you send me another picture of your stupid hard-on, I'm calling the FBI."

I'll be waiting to see that thread with bated breath.

I was born 45 years too early. Part Two

When I was younger you might have talked a girl 

into drawing a picture of herself in her undies. 

Two teenagers were arrested for sexting in, where else?  Florida.  The horny 15 year old dude forwarded a photo of a girl in her underwear that was exposing her breast.  She sent the sext to him and, of course, he sent it around.  What did she think would happen?  Discretion does not exist in the lizard brain of a 15 year old boy.  The girl was also arrested. The charge?  Dum-da-dum-dum...transmission of pornography by electronic device.

Seriously?  Is this what the taxpayers of Florida consider law enforcement money well spent?  I guess all the meth labs have been shuttered and all the missing little children found.  I think this is ridiculous.  Ridiculously hot, that is!  Come on.  This is a couple of teenagers.  Would I be happy if my teenage daughter was texting her titties around to some pubescent pudwackers?  No.  Would I give her a long heart to heart about how she's disrespecting herself and to never trust anybody with a compromising photo of herself?  Yes, I would.  Would I consider this is a matter for the police?  Not just no, but hell no.

Technology can be a bitch these days.  Just ask Anthony Weiner.  Do we really want to start charging teenagers with felonies for this stuff?  (Congressmen who should know better?  Maybe.)

Stupid.

This and that.

Sorry about the light posting.  I have been tossed hither and yon like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz.  Except mine has been a tornado of death.  Some of 'em smelled really bad, looked really bad or were just very sad.  All in all a busy week.  Let's do some quick hits, shall we?

Do you have a "nose" for global warming advocacy?

If you needed any more evidence that the enviro-loons were paddling straight over the falls here's a story from from the UK (home of the highest crackpot to sane person ratio than anywhere else in the world).  Take a guess as to what they're citing now as a contributor to global warming.  Conservatives and their reproductive habits?  No...Sarah Palin?  No...It's cocaine snorting.

Oh, the humanity.  Stop the madness.

Does this new revelation make Lindsay Lohan

Public Enemy #1?

Yep, do a line.  A polar bears dies.  Try to follow this logic.  For every few lines that go up your nose four square meters of rain forest are sacrificed.  I mean for fucksy's sake.  Is this what they've sunk to now that the whole scam is falling apart?  Oh well, it just gives us sane folks one more hypocrisy snowball to throw at the sanctimonious private jet flying, mansion owning, huge carbon footprint musician/actor/celebrity complex.  Because after all, who goes through more blow than these assholes?

In more "everybody must get stoned" news.

Booze crazy ginger, Jason Botos, 

can't stay away from the hard stuff.

Just say...No thank you. 

Here is a guy that is so in love with the firewater that he can't even sober up for his DUI sentencing.  Jason Botos, a 30 year old whiskey sponge was driven to his court date by his dad.  When Jason proved to be too shitfaced to make into court, Pops Botos went to get some deputies to help him pour Jason out of the car.  The gendarmes were not as amused by this as I would have been and arrested Jason on the spot for failure to appear.  Once inside the courthouse the ginger-haired lush blew an astounding 0.43 BAC.  (Otherwise known as near death if you're a college freshman instead of a professional souse like Jason.)  So off to the hospital and then to the pokey for the degenerate dipsomaniac. His original DUI critically injured three people so I think it's safe to say that Jason has gone from being a funny drunk to problem drinker to total fucking menace.

Dude.  Can we all agree you've hit your bottom?  Get some help.

Meanwhile, the Saga of Tiger Woods never fails to entertain.

Radaronline is reporting that the hardest thing (tee hee) for Elin Nordegren to get over in the family reconciliation farce is the fact that The Woodster fucked himself a porn star.  Actually, Elin, that was two porn stars, but who's counting.  I'm sure the one she is referring to is none other than that shrinking violet Josyln James.  Referring to the porn star one source said that Elin, "Couldn't understand why he would do it.  She thinks it's sick."  If Elin thinks it's sick that may be part of the problem.  Perhaps Elin is a little unschooled about some of the little tricks that can keep a man's giggle stick around the home fire.  Just sayin'.

I can say one thing with complete certainty.  If Elin ever saw a compilation of some of Joslyn's work she would run screaming into the night, only to return after a full hazmat team spent a week cleaning the extreme biohazard that is Tiger Woods's cock and balls.  In an industry that is run on one upping the sleaze and skankitude, I dare say that Joslyn James is consistently without peer in raising the bar.  Hell, some of the stuff I've seen her do has made even me wince a little bit.  And I've seen everything.

Joslyn James. 

The undisputed skank queen 

of double (sometimes triple) penetration porn.

Well, if Elin is grossed out now wait till she gets a load of hubby's sexting messages to JJ that the home wrecking whore has posted on her website. (Mega-NSFW)  Here's a nice sample (Thanks Superficial):


Tiger:Sent: 03:32 PM 08/29/2009:
I have no idea. I would love to have the ability to make you sore
Tiger:Sent: 03:35 PM 08/29/2009:
In a week. I will try to wear you out
Tiger:Sent: 03:36 PM 08/29/2009:
After i cum you better start sucking my cock to get it hard
Tiger:Sent: 04"02 PM 08/29/2009:
I want to treat you rough. Throw you around, spank and slap you
Tiger:Sent: 04:06 PM 08/29/2009:
Slap your face. Treat you like a dirty little whore. Put my cock in your ass and then shove it down your throat
Tiger:Sent: 04:07 PM 08/29/2009:
You are my fucking whore
Tiger:Sent: 04:08 PM 08/29/2009:
Hold you down while i choke you and Fuck that ass that i own


If these text messages are for reals.  Tiger Woods has no business being married.  A guy that loves to get his freak on this much, is not a one woman man.  Even if he wasn't a famous gazillionaire.

In case you didn't know, other guys are fucking around on their wives.

Jesse James and Sandra Bullock.

You'd think she'd be hot enough for any guy.

Plus she has a shitload of money. 

I'm sure you've all heard by now that America's Sweetheart Sandra Bullock has cancelled her appearance at the British premiere of The Blind Side, for personal reasons.  Well, the reasons aren't so personal because everybody now knows that Sandra has hightailed it out of hearth and home and left hubby, West Coast Chopper founder, Jesse James, to stew in his own juices (so to speak).  Jesse's crime?  Dipping his wick into the strange (and I do mean strange) punani of some heavily tatted freakshow by the name of Michelle Bombshell.

Michelle "Bombshell" McGee.

A real crapshoot for AIDS and hepatitis with that many tats. 

Hope you used a rubber, Jesse.

(Ooops, rumor has it he didn't.)

Can you imagine what she'll look like at 60?

Before marrying Sandra, Jessie had an affinity for porn stars, even marrying smut queen Janine Lindemulder and making her great with child.  Trouble and custody disputes ensued.  No surprise there.

So Sandra Bullock marries a biker guy who has a reputation for banging (and marrying!!) porn sluts.  Hmmmm??  No red flags, eh Sandra?  ("I know I can change him."  Isn't that what they all say?)

Jesse has issued a public apology although it's a little murky as to what.  (Details please!!)  As I look into The Funeral Guy crystal ball I see....it's getting clearer....a swingin' bachelor pad with Jesse and Tiger.  Yowzer, don't come a-knockin' if these walls be a-rockin'.

At least nobody can tell this whatever to go fuck itself.

This had to happen sooner or later, I suppose.  Norrie May-Welby, 48, a severely confused Brit (and not from strong drink, surprisingly) has been designated officially as a "neuter".   Not a dude, not a chick, just a weirdo.

Norrie May-Welby.

Clearly an escapee from Area 51.

Norrie, (nice fucking name BTW) started male, then changed to female at 28.  Norrie got bored with that  (men are such shits, dearie) then, I'm guessing, sewed up the hole and called it a day.

If Norrie manages to find a couple of more like him her oh, what the fuck, whatever, I guarantee you they will start a lobbying group for neuter rights.

And this being Britain, they'll get them.