Weiner Pulls Out: America ejaculates and sighs in relief.

That's it.  Lights out.  The circus is packing up the tent as the star attraction goes into retirement.  Our long (tee hee) national nightmare is over.

Anthony, Anthony, Anthony. 

This is one you should have phoned in. 

I'm wondering.  Is there a law somewhere that when a disgraced figure is forced to resign he has to do it publicly?  Because if there isn't why the fuck would Anthony Weiner get up in front of the cameras one more time?  Has his humiliation not been enough yet?  He even thanked his parents and mentioned his brother by name.  Ouch, thanks for the shout out, Bro.  How about this?  A simple statement read by a staffer as his final duty before he hits the unemployment line.  "I hereby resign my position as the Representative of the ninth district of New York in the United States House of Representatives.  Effective Immediately.  I have been proud to serve you.  Thank you and God bless America."  Period.  Wouldn't that have been better?

If Weiner had done it my way, he would have been spared the heckling from the Howard Stern whack pack.  "Pervert!" and "Are you more than 7 inches?" and "Are you fully erect right now?"  Holy shit, even I cringed a bit at the pile-on.  Weiner denied himself a low-key dignified exit because he can't stay away from those damn cameras.  (Silly me.  Dignified, low-key, Anthony Weiner and cameras in the same sentence.  What the hell am I thinking?)  At least he didn't pull out his turgid dick and cup his balls as a crowning farewell.  And thank God he didn't have the little wifey standing there with him looking like someone in a hostage video.  Speaking of Huma, how would you like to have been a fly on the wall when she got home?  Can you imagine the sick feeling in the pit of Anthony's stomach when he saw those headlights as she turned in the driveway.

One of the stupidest things I've heard from women commentators on the subject of Anthony Weiner goes something like this, "Why would he do something so stupid and so reckless?  His wife Huma is so beautiful and accomplished."  Are women really that dumb when it comes to male sexuality?  Axiom #1.  It doesn't have to be better.  It just has to be different.  (Even stipulating that Anthony Weiner is not sexually normal, has severe exhibitionist tendencies and god only knows what other kinds of kink.)

One last thing somewhat off the topic.  I was watching some of the pre-game anticipation and time killing banter on Fox News this morning.  Kirsten Powers was on the phone to comment on the upcoming news conference.  She's a good looking liberal chick, but not necessarily a party line spouting Kool-Aid drinker.  She's also pretty smart and a columnist for the New York Post and a Fox News contributor.  And, in case you didn't know, she dated The Weiner for 3 months, so she knows him and can probably answer the "more than 7 inches" question.  So here is the howler that came from the yap of Kirsten Powers.  She was commenting on how his behavior was so disrespectful to women, bordering on sexual harassment and in the case of Ginger Lee, (Paraphrasing) "Just because she's a pornstar/stripper doesn't mean she deserved to be talked to this way, because she genuinely seemed to be interested in politics."  What she is referring to is Weiner talking about his "package" in his emails with the pornstar.

Putting aside the "normal" women the congressman was trolling, let's focus on the pornstar since Kirsten Powers brought her up to accent the sexual harassment aspect.   OK.  I'm about the take the giant leap into the big muddy puddle of political incorrectness.  Kirsten.  Dear, dear Kirsten. You've apparently sucked up so much feminist theory that you've learned nothing about men.  (I once told Mrs. Funeral Guy, "If you broads ever figure out what we men are really thinking, you'll run screaming from the room.")

I'm going to make this really simple.  Anthony Weiner finds out that a pornstar is following him on Twitter.  (Yes, I know that she and her harpy attorney Gloria Allred erased the pornstar appellation and now go with "featured dancer".  Puhleeze.)  Ginger Lee wants to play policy wonk with the congressman.  Anthony Weiner is a man and a horny, creepy one to boot.  I'm sure he Googled Ginger Lee and caught a few video performances.  I sure have.  Now Ginger Lee chose her occupation.  Much like you chose yours, Kirsten.  If I followed you on Twitter I would be expecting serious political discourse.  If I followed Ginger Lee, I would be expecting sexual intercourse discourse.  It's like this.  When you choose as your profession a job in which you suck cock, take cock up the ass, and ride cock reverse cowgirl in front of a camera, can you really be surprised when a male wants to talk to you about his cock?  The male brain processes a pornstar and thinks whore, which strictly defined she is.  She fucks not for love but for money.  To an Anthony Weiner (and most men, frankly) Ginger Lee isn't a person, she's a pornstar.  She certainly deserves basic human rights such as the right not to be raped or harassed on the street for being a pornstar, but from the male population she ain't gonna get respect for her brain and her opinions on political issues.  My point is, you can't bone three guys, look into a camera and lick cum off your fingers, then expect men to want discuss health care policy with you.  Does this come as a shock?  When you purposely present yourself to the world in a certain way, don't be offended when the world takes you for what you've presented.  It's like when a person covers his face with tattoos, has huge piercings all over his body then when he gets the inevitable gawking he screams, "Hey, what the fuck are you looking at?"

I've gone a little far afield here, I know.  I have to admit that I almost felt sorry for The Weiner today.  I don't think I've ever seen somebody crash and burn so spectacularly in my life.  God knows I've had a really fun time writing about this with my schadenfreude level at Defcon 1.  At the same time, I'm a sympathetic person.  (Hey, stop laughing.  I'm in the sympathy business.)  The problem for Anthony Weiner was that the guy was such an asshole even his own party didn't like him much.  He was so inclined to ascribe bad motives to those who didn't agree with his left wing politics, that at the end, those on the other side couldn't help but watch his flameout with a certain amount of glee.

So.  What will become of The Weiner?  I just heard on the news that Larry Flynt is offering him a job.  Sounds like a good fit to me.  And by hanging around with Larry Flynt he might run into Ginger Lee.  They could talk politics.  Or whatever.

Showing more moral clarity than Senator Chuck Shumer, pornstar Ginger Lee says Weiner should resign.

Pornstar Ginger Lee appeared with her famewhore attorney Gloria Allred in the hilariously appropriate setting of the Milton Berle room of the Friar's Club today.  The topic on the table?  Her complete innocence on her part of the Weiner Wanger Sexting Scandal.  The big news is that she stated flat out that Weiner "asked me to lie."  That spells trouble no matter how you slice Weiner's baloney.

It's not easy finding a picture of Ginger Lee that 

I can post on the family friendly Funeral Guy blog.  

Ms. Lee who says she's a former pornstar, now bills herself as a "featured dancer" in "nightclubs".  Oh, dear.  We are becoming delicate with our language aren't we now?  For those of you who are uninitiated in these matters, a "featured dancer" is a stripper/lap dancer and the "nightclub" is a strip joint.  You become a "featured dancer" after you've sucked a plentitude of dick and had your bunghole repeatedly reamed on enough porn DVD's that the horny and the curious will attend a live strip club performance so they can see your vagina up close and personal.  This is not the Alvin Ailey Dance Troupe or the fucking ballet we're talking about here.

Ms. Lee stated that she and The Weiner exchanged nearly 100 emails and Twitter messages for 3 months.  The demure little flower of womanhood said all the communications of a sexual nature were started by the congressman and when they came her way she averted her shy gaze and quickly changed the subject.  But Weiner kept trying to steer the conversation back to his Weiner.  Some of the messages from the congressman were as follows.

"I have wardrobe demands too. I need to highlight my package."


"Alright, my package and I are not going to beg." 


You aren't giving my package due credit."

But Ginger Lee didn't want to talk about Weiner's package.  That would be too much like she was at work.  You have to understand, Ginger is not your average blonde porn professional cum receptacle.  No way, Jose.  She wanted to talk policy.  Ms. Lee is particularly interested in the politics of Planned Parenthood and health care.  Stands to reason.  What good is a pregnant pornstar/stripper/featured dancer and who is going to pay for the treatment of Ginger's various and sundry STD's?

I could be wrong, of course, but I'm beginning to sense a pattern with Representative Weiner.  He is obsessed with his cock. (Insightful, I know.)  In all the exchanges we've seen so far it's always about him and his cock.  Rock hard, my package, big and fat, rock hard cock.  In photos, what's he doing?  Showing his boner, grabbing his junk, cupping his balls.  Outside of one comment to the blackjack dealer about her pussy being tight and wet, he never says, "Hey, I like your tits." or "Wow, you got one fine ass." or "Those legs would look really good wrapped around my waist".   You know, normal guy shit.  I can understand a horny dude wanting to get some action.  Maybe an intern blowjob and some splooge on a dress.  The usual politician quickie sex.  But this shit that Weiner pulled (tee hee) is just way too weird.  Mark my words, Anthony Weiner will be arrested some time in the future for walking around a Middle School with his penis hanging out of his fly.

Gloria Allred and her pornstar traveling circus hit town on the day the presumably angry and embarrassed Mrs. Weiner returns from her road trip.  Would I like to be Anthony Weiner right now?  Not for all the sluts on Facebook.

Update:  The New York Post is reporting that Ginger Lee will be back on the pole at the Pink Pony in Atlanta after her star turn in the Weiner saga today.  Bitch gottsa' get paid, yo!

Meet the press or meet your mom, 

a good fuckslut can dress properly when she has to. 

Nothing out of the ordinary. Just another picture of a semi-nude Anthony Weiner cupping his cock in front of a mirror.

Just in time for your morning coffee we have more racy (and considering the gym background) kinda gay photos of The Weiner topless and cupping his namesake.  TMZ has the full panoply but here's The Funeral Guy personal fave.

Do you have a gym in your house? 

Well, technically you do because you pay for it. 

You don't get to use it though, because you're not special.  

I guess when Anthony is alone he gets his teenage girl on and just can't keep himself away from the camera phone and the mirror.  The only thing missing among these photos are a panty clad butt shot and duckface.  Or maybe The Weiner isn't alone.  What if a number of our congressmen spend their days lounging in the House gym?  Taking photos of themselves and having towel fights.  Might as well, it's right there in the building where they work.  Who wouldn't need a break from the rigors of thinking up new ways to tell you how to run your life and business?  Frivolously throwing your tax money away is hard work, you Plebeians. 

I picture them them all oiled up like the gladiators in Spartucus.  Only wrinkled, doughy and with old man tits.  Attended by Nubian slave girls serving wine into golden goblets while they get their massages.  Anthony is the star of the show, since he is the only one who actually uses the exercise equipment.  "Ooooooooh, Anthony," they coo, "we just took a full quorum vote and it is hereby agreed that you have the smoothest, dreamiest pecs in all of congress and your thighs are like the mighty oak.  What will it take to get you to drop the towel, dear boy?"

I'm beginning to change my mind.  I don't think I ever want this guy to resign.  He's just too fucking funny.  Forget the rehab.  Go for re-election.  Keep doin' what your doin', Anthony.  And don't ever change.  Congress needs all the disrespect it can get.

Here's one Anthony took for next month's issue of Tiger Beat. 

Keeping it clean but sexy for his teenage fangirls. 

What's next? Will Weiner be ordered to stay 500 feet away from elementary school playgrounds?

Goddam it!!  Can't I get away from The Weiner for one day?

So Mrs. Funeral Guy and I are driving through the lovely countryside on the way to Santa Cruz yesterday when the news breaks that the gendarmes in Delaware paid a visit to a 17 year old girl that Representative Anthony Weiner was following on Twitter.  (Yes.  It's as creepy for a 46 year old man to follow a 17 year old girl on Twitter as it is to follow her on the street.)  It appears that the jailbait didn't get the famous dicpic but Weiner did exchange direct messages with the girl and she with him.  One of which quotes The Weiner as saying, "I came back strong.  Large. tights and cape shit." This after the girl had messaged that she "loves" him.  (The use of the word "Large" in context with "tights and cape" and the casual "shit" is particularly creepy when sent to a minor, don't ya' think?)

After interviewing the girl and her mother the police have said unless something else comes up "we have no criminal interest here."  So it sounds like what he was doing was more flirtatious than felonious.

Representative Weiner's flack has announced that he is taking a leave of absence to "seek professional treatment to focus on being a better husband and a healthier person."  Whatever the fuck that means.  Sex addiction rehab?  Marital counseling with the Clintons?  Hiding out for a couple of weeks in the hope that this will all blow over?  Who knows?  The smart money says that Weiner is desperate to hold onto his seat because he's never done anything but politics his whole life and has no business experience or law degree to fall back on in a shit economy which he, in some part, facilitated.  That, and without the cachet of being a congressman what is a dweeby creepazoid like Weiner going to use for pussy bait?  What we do know is that now Minority Leader Pelosi, DNC Head Debbie Wasserman Schultz and fellow democrat NY Rep. Steve Israel have all called on Congressman Weiner to vacate the premises.  One can assume they mean sooner rather than later.  The Republicans have, for the most part, wisely kept their mouths shut in order to let The Weiner and his fellow democrats commit political suicide without their assistance.  Funny how our Commenter-on-everything-under-the-sun In Chief hasn't weighed in on The Weiner.

If I were the the congressman I don't think I'd
want to be photographed with my dirty laundry.

So what about The Weiner's constituents?  It seems he still has fairly strong support.  This is a really liberal district and I can only wonder.  Have they really thought about what this guy has revealed himself to be?  Or are they that morally bankrupt?  Think about this people.  Here is a guy.  A 46 year old, married congressman and father to be.  Your congressman.  He is sending pictures of his erect wanger around unsolicited on the interwebs.  Or, when he's feeling modest he wraps his boner in tight grey underpants.  He has sexual banter and is sexting photos with a woman in Texas who in return sends him photos of her in her bra and bathrobe.  He has hot and horny Facebook fucktalk with a female blackjack dealer in Vegas.  (wow a jewish girl who sucks cock!)  And now he admits he was Direct Messaging a 17 year old Twitter follower with what appears to be flirty and inappropriate talk.  And this is just the stuff we know about.

This is not the dude that throws your garbage in a truck or grooms your dog.  This is a supposedly mature adult who is paid by the taxpayer to keep his fucking head in the game and work on the peoples' business.  A man in an important position that is entrusted with all sorts of confidential information that is important to the economic and physical securtity of the United States.  Anthony Weiner has 19 staff members who we apparently pay to free up the congressman's time so he can preen on MSNBC and shriek his studly anti-rightwing rants that keep all the liberal groupies wet in the panties.  All the better to facilitate more nubile Facebook Friends and Twitter followers.  Yes, your congressman sure is a busy man.

This is not his personal business, citizens of NY District 9.  He's a United States congressman.  His votes affect all of us.  Think about what kind of a man this is.  Is this the best you can do?  Or is it just that you think this is a fun way to stick the finger in the eye of all us unsophisticated rubes who think that a U.S. Representative should maintain a higher standard of conduct than a porn star.  (Or rock musician.)

If you want to make him your mayor, be my guest.   At least that contains the damage.

It's all fun and games until your dirty talk gets you in trouble.

CBS Las Vegas is reporting that Anthony Weiner's Facebook Fucktalk Buddy, Lisa Weiss, has been suspended from her blackjack dealing job at the Bellagio Casino.   Reportedly, the casino was being disrupted by reporters looking for interviews.  According to the story Lisa is not happy.

So.  A casino in Las Vegas has higher standards for their employees than the United States House of Representatives.  Again.  A Las Vegas blackjack dealer exchanges sexually charged chats with a married congressman  ("god damn.  how do I get you here to fuck me?").    She gets suspended from work for essentially bringing unwanted publicity to an establishment that is in the business of separating folks from their hard earned money through the vice of gambling.  Come to think of it, isn't that what Congress does?  Without the fun of the bright lights, cheesy entertainment and the bing-bonging of the slot machines, of course.

Lisa Weiss.  By her own admission has a tight, wet pussy, 

loves sucking cock, is really good at it and also swallows.  

Hmmmm, is there possibly another occupation in 

Las Vegas that could use those employable skills?   

Representative Weiner, on the other hand, recklessly tweets suggestive messages to numerous young babes on the internet.   In addition he sends a photo of his baloney pony.   Does Representative Weiner intend to resign?   Nooooooo, he's going to "go back to doing the work that he was elected to do."  Which hopefully doesn't include frittering away most of his time talking about his rock hard cock to Facebook and Twitter skanks and sending the photos to prove that his cock is indeed hard and ready for action.  Is The Weiner being forced out?  Behind the scenes maybe.  Has there been a full throated public cry from the majority of his fellow Democrats of "Hey, Anthony, get the fuck outta here.  And now would be good."  I haven't seen it.

But Lisa Weiss?  You're suspended.  (As in, most likely soon to be fired.)  But don't worry, Babes.   You're one of the 12.5% of Nevadans out of work.  You've got lots of company.  Apply for unemployment.  I'm sure your favorite Weiner voted for all the extended benefits.  (Tee hee.)

More Hot Water to Cook The Weiner In.

We now have transcripts of the Facebook message exchanges between Anthony Weiner and 40 year old Vegas blackjack dealer, Lisa Weiss.  I'm tempted to refer to Mr. Weiner as soon-to-be-ex-Congressman Weiner, because when people start reading this horny fuckery his career is most assuredly over.  The Funeral Guy prediction is that the resignation statement will be released this Friday at 4:30 PM EST.

You really need to sit back, relax, get yourself some wine and read through this whole transcript.  It's actually pretty hot and you may need a cigarette after you're done.  I've never been a phone sex enthusiast.  If I can't actually be there I rather just read a book.  The couple of times I tried it I couldn't help but turn it into a joke.  The whole thing seemed so fucking stupid.  (What are you wearing? Talk, stroke, talk, stroke, oh, yeah.)  Just not my bag, baby.  But Lisa Weiss and the Weiner (sounds like a sitcom or an 80's new wave band, doesn't it?) are real frisky and into it.  And this is Instant Message sex.  Not even a voice. You really should read the whole thing, but the flavor is pretty much what you'd expect.  (Ladies, it may help if you drive the image of the dweeby little creepaziod Anthony Weiner out of your head as you read this and substitute the hunky movie star of your choice. )

Lisa Weiss.  Hot and not underage.  

Has tight, wet pussy.  Loves giving head and swallows.

I'm guessing this info is not on her Facebook page.

The Weiner spends most of his time commenting on his cock and how hard it is.  Only once does he ask if her "pussy is still tight and wet for me, baby?"  There's a lot of talk of "cum" and "cumming" his "hard cock" and does she like it "big and fat".   One of my favorite passages is, "think of my rock hard cock. practice saying, 'god, anthony, I'm coming again."  Get it?  She needs to practice saying that because he's going to make her "cum" more than once.  I'm sure no man has ever pulled off that feat of superhuman sexuality, eh, Lisa?   And you thought Casanova was a smooth talker?

She seems to be quite impressed with Weiner being Super Lib and wants to be his partner in the mighty crusade to kick GOP ass.  Lisa and The Weiner are simpatico when it comes to Republican hatred.  On August 19th 2010 she messages, "idiots i work with love this stupid bitch" (I assume she's referring to Republican Senatorial candidate Sharron Angle) "i ask them all if they will be turning down their social security and medicare...let's kick some gop ass! i hate them!"  She fluffs Anthony's ego with this declaration.  "You are the coolest dem on the planet.  they need to all be as tough as you...and you are damn funny!  keep fighting for the sane people in this country!"  The sane people being 40 year old Vegas blackjack dealers like her with way too much spare time to whore around on Facebook bragging about boning her "fuck friend" since her Web Wanking favorite congressman can't get to Vegas to service her tight, wet pussy.

This query from The Weiner stood out to me.  He asks Lisa, "you give good head?" She replies, "i've been told really good...love doing it"  Then Anthony drops the Jewish American Princess Stereotype--"wow a jewish girl who sucks cock! this thing [his hard cock again] is ready to do damage."  Lisa then ups the ante (get it? blackjack dealer?) replying,  "and swallows every drop. god damn how do I get you here to fuck me?"  (For the record, I've never had a problem with Jewish ladies and their alleged prudishness.  The Jews are always getting unfairly libeled.)

This juvenile sex twaddle goes on and on and on.  Gagging on hot cock, hard dicks in the shower, fat cocks, so fucking hard, you Facebook slut, pussy juice, I'm horny a lot, etc, etc, etc.  Endless comedy gold.

It is one thing to get up at a press conference and admit "inappropriate communications with women."  It's a whole other ball game to read the actual comments.  This is why I say Congressmen Weiner will very soon be ex-Congressman Weiner.  I don't even need to see the picture of his naked hard-on that Breitbart has to make that prediction. (Go here.)  Because, frankly, this is far worse.

Here we have a sitting congressman having dirty sexy-time exchanges (let's put aside all the other snizz he's been talking to) with a 40 year old blackjack dealer in Las Vegas.  Now there's some stellar judgment.  Why, if you can't trust a Vegas blackjack dealer to be discreet, who can you trust?  Anthony Weiner sits on the house committee on Energy and Commerce.  Is is possible that having a guy like Weiner in your pocket might be worth something to some Nevada sleazeball?  A sleazeball that might be known to a certain Las Vegas casino blackjack dealer?   Do you see where I'm going with this?  This is beyond reckless.  Representative Weiner is a dangerous man to have in Congress.

At some point Wiener-wife Huma will probably have to weigh in on this.  Either as a stand-by-your-flawed-man moment (Boss Hillary can give her pointers on this strategy.) Or.  My money is on Huma cutting this shitbag loose.  They don't have any kids (thank God) and what the hell does she need this kind of humiliation for?  It's not like she's going to be riding Anthony's skyrocket up the political power ladder.  I would suspect that just like Tiger Woods more trollops are going to appear now that the gravy train is filling up and Huma ain't gonna put up with the bullshit of an endless poon parade.

Meagan Broussard.  Single mom with nice titties.  

Congressman bait?  You betcha'!!

One last word on the women on the other end of these Cellphone/Facebook/Twitter/Whatever The Fuck sexcapades.  I'm not so sure we should be so quick to let these broads off the hook.  Weiner is a dirtbag but a famous dirtbag.  A famous liberal.  I'm sure that was part of the attraction.  It wasn't a big secret the congressman was married.  Meagan Broussard, the 26 year old that he was Facebook flirting with knew he was attached.  Last night Hannity kept referring to her as a "young girl".  Fucking hell, Sean.  Ex-army, single mom and 26 years old.   Let's not act like she's a 16 year old runaway that got roped in by a pimp at the bus station.   She tweeted him a photo of herself in her bra and bathrobe.  We live in a culture where there is no shame in being a starfucker and it still takes two to Tango.

I want to see a woman come forward with a story where Anthony Weiner started a cyber seduction and got the reply. "I don't care if you're a fucking congressman or not.  You're a creep and a pervert.  Don't tweet me.  Unfriend me. Don't contact me.  And if you send me another picture of your stupid hard-on, I'm calling the FBI."

I'll be waiting to see that thread with bated breath.

As Maury Povich says to the congressman...

Anthony...you are The Weiner...

Yeah, he did it.  "Inappropriate...My deepest apologies...sorry for dragging the innocent young lady into this...I was stupid...I have a wonderful wife and I'm so sorry....blah blah blah blah blah...."

Resigning?  No, let the voters decide.  Democrats...fucking shameless.

OOOOOHHHHH, Congressman, your pecs are sooooooo smooooooth....

Best part of press conference?  As Weiner was leaving the stage some reporter yelled, "WERE YOU FULLY ERECT??  

Hahahahahaha.

OK. I just had a weird thought...

Then I really have to go to bed.

What are the odds that the two biggest loudmouth Democrats in congress are Anthony Weiner, a man whose last name is slang for a cock and tweets pictures of his love muscle to young broads, and Debbie Wasserman Schultz, whose middle name is what the test for syphilis is called?

That's it.  That's all I got.

Good night.

I'm still here. (As are the continuing troubles of Mr. Weiner.)

We have been seriously busy at work.  I'll be writing more as I get time.  In the meanwhile please put off dying for the next few days if you can.  I'm swamped and I'm really not interested in working that hard.

I have not..repeat not... been tweeting my penis to young coeds, or anybody else.

I only know that if someone asked me if I did, I could instantly, honestly and forthrightly answer NO!  Apparently, Congressman Weiner is unable to do the same.  That smells really bad for him.  My favorite Weiner statement of the day is that he "can't say with certitude that it's my crotch".   He can't say that the peenie pic is him or not?  Really??!! How many cock pictures do you have of yourself, Congressman?  Do you need to check through the Phallus File on your computer to see of you have one labeled Hard Dick/Grey Undies?  Weiner's PR flack must be ready to shove his head in a woodchipper.

Like I said before.  I'm not an expert on cyber issues, but I know when a guy has got himself a problem with his wife and some young trim.  And believe me, The Weiner has a problem.  It's also coming out that Anthony Weiner "follows" quite the snizz harem.  Young girls all.  Oh, behave!!!

Here are a few members of the Anthony Weiner cooter constituency.  (Not counting the porn star, Ginger Lee.)  I asked Mrs. Funeral Guy if there was any way I could explain away a similar collection of hot young correspondents to her satisfaction.  I'm paraphrasing, but it was basically, "Not on your fucking life, Buster."

The Funeral Guy is thinking about tweeting his "weiner."

Do you think any young chicks will bite? 

One last thing.  Guys?  99% of the women in the world do not want to see, nor are turned on by a picture of your stupid cock.  Just because you would be thrilled with a snoochie or a titty pic sent to you from a hot little tramp doesn't mean it works the other way around.  If you want to send a lady's heart a-flutter send her a picture of you at a candlelit dinner table with an empty seat.  Caption it "Insert yourself here."  Awwwwwwww, sweet...that's what works.  

If a porn star messages you back couldn't you call it a Twat Tweet?

My approach to the stuff I get into on this blog is usually what my approach to groupies used to be.  Hit it and quit it.  (Exceptions made for the never endingly salacious and amusing, i.e. Tiger Woods.)

I don't want to become All Weiner-All The Time, since there are a lot of sites that are following the tech trail of this like the Cyber Sherlock Holmes that I could never be.  As you know my usual specialty is dick jokes.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Ms. Ginger Lee.

One of the few photos I could find 

that had all her lady bits covered.

(Or didn't have a penis in the picture.) 

Anyway, porn star Ginger Lee claims that she got a Direct Message from The Wiener (but not the famous picture, poor thing).  Now people can say anything they want so I'm just noting this as part of the passing poon and peenie picture parade of this particular scandal.

Here are the screen shots.

Whereas a follower of Ms. Lee asks the obvious question:

A Google search of Ginger Lee treated me to some fine videos of her having sex for a series done by a gentleman who goes by the sobriquet Mr. Cameltoe. (Yes, she has one and I will admit it is quite fetching.)   I also turned up the usually gangbangs, some bondage and fetish and Ginger with a cum splattered face.  Pretty ho-hum as this kind of shit goes.  (Aren't you glad I research this stuff so you don't have to?)

Ginger also has a blog titled Ginger Lee's Guide to Life & Other Important Stuff.  I didn't go too far into it but it looks like she mostly answers fan's questions.  She doesn't come off as completely unintelligent, although being a "fangirl" of Anthony Weiner does make one wonder.  (Although in fairness, I would assume that most porn stars probably lean Democrat.)  I'm curious since she does mention feminism (along with stripping) on her "What I'm about" page, if she advises young women to follow her path into the porn trade.  There are some feminists that think it is "empowering" to have yourself filmed blowing three guys at the same time.  Even I'll admit I find that brand of feminism to be an interesting concept.

Which brings us back to the congressman, who according to Ginger is like Buddha.  (If your idea of Buddha is a twerpy left-wing ranting politician who seems to spend way too much time Tweeting.)  One of two things is true.  Either he DM'd Ginger Lee or he didn't.  If he did, he's pretty reckless.  If he didn't and Ginger is just having a bizarre fantasy, then it's just another log on the gossip fire.

And one more thing for Mrs. Weiner to wrap her head around this weekend.

"I'm sorry.  Ms. Lee will have no further comment."

Will Anthony Weiner be able to avoid being bopped in the head by his wife's frying pan?

Weinergate as it's now been dubbed is heating up and not going away.  Now, I'm never going to be confused with an internet techie and there are a lot of sites that can get you up to speed on this.  Try Ace of Spades and click on the links until your head explodes.

I'll try to explain what is known as simply and as best I can.

A dick pic goes out from Anthony Weiner's Twitter account into the world of Tweeters.  (See my previous post.)

Anthony Weiner immediately claims he's been hacked.  His account is miraculously restored for his use in mere minutes, where he then starts explaining how he was hacked.  (He's actually kind of joking about it saying that even his TIVO ate his hockey game. heh heh.)  It's my understanding hackers will usually take over your account for good by changing your usernames and passwords.  How did Weiner get back in so fast?

Most bloggers figure that Weiner knows he fucked up and fat fingered his wanger picture to all of his followers instead of one young lady that he was trying to Direct Message.  (Why of the only 91 people that the congressman was "following" one would be a college girl in Seattle?  Hmmmm....?)

The "hack" as far as we know has not been reported to the FBI although cybercrime and identity theft is a serious federal offense.

The young lady in question has for some reason closed her Twitter and Facebook accounts so all her previous tweets are gone. (She has since re-opened a new account.)  She had also previously tweeted that the congressman was her "boyfriend" and even wrote an article about using Twitter to interact with celebrities.  (Puffing herself up?  Maybe.)  Before the hack, Weiner tweeted that he was going to appear on Rachel Maddow's show and made it a point to note what time it would be on in Seattle. Why would he do that?  Remember the girl (we now know her to be Gennette Cordova) lives in Seattle.

A great deal of photos from Weiner's online photo sharing account have been deleted, including the hard-on in the underwear picture.

Dear readers, this shit is really complicated and seriously beyond my understanding of caches, Twitter, Facebook, photo sharing and all the rest of how the internet works.  I apologize for my lack of knowledge and urge you if you're bored this weekend to surf around and get up to speed.  But I do consider myself somewhat of an expert on one thing.   Guys and their behavior when trying to score some poontang.  And what I can tell you is when there is this much smoke there is some dumbass that is trying to cover up some dumbass thing that he's done.  

We now have a photo of the chick in Seattle.

Gennette Cordova.  Seems like a nice average college girl.  

What could possibly be the attraction 

for a rising star in the democratic party?  

Well, this might explain things a little better.  

Exotic with some hot boobage. 

We will soon get down to the nitty-gritty on this.  Congressman Weiner has the advantage of being a Democrat. The mainstream media will try to ignore this story, or try to make it about mean-spirited conservative bloggers for as long as possible.  (See: Edwards, John)  If he was a Republican the New York Times would have put out a special edition calling for his resignation by now.  He is also a good friend of the Clintons.  (His wife, Huma, was a longtime aide to Hillary Clinton.  They were married last July.  Hahaha.  Fucking dude is still on his honeymoon.)  At least he has the ear of the Master of Bimbo Eruptions Bill Clinton to school him on how to spin and skate his way out of this hot mess.  

Because if you ask me, it's all going to boil down to one thing.  Is this kind of convoluted bullshit story going to pass the wife test?   If it does.  It'll all blow over.

Update:  Ms. Sexy Tits denies any involvement with The Weiner.  I don't think that's going to kill the story, but thanks for the good ol' college try.   

Congressman Anthony Weiner's Hard-on? Gag writers caught off guard on long holiday weekend.

If your idea of a good time does not include sitting in Memorial Day traffic while burning up your $4.00+ gallon of gas, you just might want to stay home and go online or to Twitter to read the millions of jokes about the latest imbroglio involving a member of congress.

An unnamed woman received a Tweet from Congressman Anthony Weiner (D-NY) which accompanied a picture of a very obviously aroused wingwang in a pair of tight grey boxer briefs.  No face included.  (Therein lies the mystery.)   The Weiner himself (god, it's fun writing that) tweeted that his Twitter and Facebook accounts were hacked and the offending flesh missile does not belong to him.  Since the dick in the picture is a pretty nice specimen if I were the congressman I would be inclined to state, "Although the large penis in the photo is not mine,  I just have to say that my large penis is a bit larger but I can see where there might be some confusion."  (I will try not to add to the goldmine of  dick, weiner, in a pickle, rising member of congress, and other sundry puns and wordplay since that ground was fully covered in the first five minutes after the story broke.)

The "Weiner" in question. 

"It ain't me!" Shouts Congressman Anthony Weiner.

"Mine's a good 2 inches longer than that one." 

But will voters re-elect this dick to another term?

Now for those of my readers who are not into politics and only come here for the sex jokes or to see if I can come up with even more new words for vagina, you may be unfamiliar with Congressman Weiner.   Anthony Weiner is, by all honest assessment, one of the most diehard partisan and annoying people on the planet, much less the halls of Congress.  (Although he was briefly overshadowed in the last session by one term Florida Congressman Alan "Republicans Want You To Die!!!" Grayson.)  It's impossible to observe Congressman Weiner's full-throated, high pitched shouting about the sheer evil of anyone to the right of his own left wing views without questioning his mental stability.  You just have to see him screaming with his eyes bugged while lecturing conservatives about "civility" to get the full affect.

The wife of Weiner.  Has she ever washed the grey boxer briefs?

Does she recognize the bulge? 

Inquiring minds want to know.

Earlier this year Congressman Christopher Lee - I loved him in those British Dracula movies, by the way...What, Lexxie? Wrong Christopher Lee?  Ooops, sorry - Anyway, Congressman Christopher Lee (R-NY) had to resign after he was caught sending shirtless photos to a woman not his wife that he contacted from Craigslist.   The married Representative Weiner is, of course, innocent until proven horny, but if he did do this it will be interesting to see if he suffers the same fate.

Because you know the media always holds Democrats to the same standards as Republicans.

Ex-Representative Christopher Lee.  

Looking more gay than a picture of hard cock in tight underwear.