Congressman Anthony Weiner's Hard-on? Gag writers caught off guard on long holiday weekend.

If your idea of a good time does not include sitting in Memorial Day traffic while burning up your $4.00+ gallon of gas, you just might want to stay home and go online or to Twitter to read the millions of jokes about the latest imbroglio involving a member of congress.

An unnamed woman received a Tweet from Congressman Anthony Weiner (D-NY) which accompanied a picture of a very obviously aroused wingwang in a pair of tight grey boxer briefs.  No face included.  (Therein lies the mystery.)   The Weiner himself (god, it's fun writing that) tweeted that his Twitter and Facebook accounts were hacked and the offending flesh missile does not belong to him.  Since the dick in the picture is a pretty nice specimen if I were the congressman I would be inclined to state, "Although the large penis in the photo is not mine,  I just have to say that my large penis is a bit larger but I can see where there might be some confusion."  (I will try not to add to the goldmine of  dick, weiner, in a pickle, rising member of congress, and other sundry puns and wordplay since that ground was fully covered in the first five minutes after the story broke.)

The "Weiner" in question. 

"It ain't me!" Shouts Congressman Anthony Weiner.

"Mine's a good 2 inches longer than that one." 

But will voters re-elect this dick to another term?

Now for those of my readers who are not into politics and only come here for the sex jokes or to see if I can come up with even more new words for vagina, you may be unfamiliar with Congressman Weiner.   Anthony Weiner is, by all honest assessment, one of the most diehard partisan and annoying people on the planet, much less the halls of Congress.  (Although he was briefly overshadowed in the last session by one term Florida Congressman Alan "Republicans Want You To Die!!!" Grayson.)  It's impossible to observe Congressman Weiner's full-throated, high pitched shouting about the sheer evil of anyone to the right of his own left wing views without questioning his mental stability.  You just have to see him screaming with his eyes bugged while lecturing conservatives about "civility" to get the full affect.

The wife of Weiner.  Has she ever washed the grey boxer briefs?

Does she recognize the bulge? 

Inquiring minds want to know.

Earlier this year Congressman Christopher Lee - I loved him in those British Dracula movies, by the way...What, Lexxie? Wrong Christopher Lee?  Ooops, sorry - Anyway, Congressman Christopher Lee (R-NY) had to resign after he was caught sending shirtless photos to a woman not his wife that he contacted from Craigslist.   The married Representative Weiner is, of course, innocent until proven horny, but if he did do this it will be interesting to see if he suffers the same fate.

Because you know the media always holds Democrats to the same standards as Republicans.

Ex-Representative Christopher Lee.  

Looking more gay than a picture of hard cock in tight underwear. 

Weird death: It's in the news.

In an earlier post about TW (you know who I mean) I made a wish upon a star for some good death stories to take me away from the sleaze-a-thon.  Well, here they are.

Welcome to your Eternal Rest...in your own sleep number bed!

Cozy, comfy and still getting paid.

Eighty-seven year old Blanche Roth entered into rest sometime in the spring and I do mean rest since she's been in her death bed until a just a few days ago.  Times are tough all over and North Carolina is certainly no exception so Blanche's daughter, Amy Blanche Stewart, figured just because momma was deceased the taxpayers shouldn't keep ponying up her social security checks.  So basically life just continued in the Roth household as usual.  (For everybody but Blanche, obviously.)  That's right.  Five family members, including kids, went about their daily routine while living in the house with Blanche's putrescent corpse for seven months until somebody finally dropped the dime to 911.  Daughter Amy was arrested on felony charges of concealment of death.

Amy Blanche Stewart.  She's got the "crazy eyes".

Beyond the utter disrespect of letting your mom decay and stink in her bedroom for seven months, how did they get around the smell?  Most people think they have an idea what a rotting body smells like, (known affectionately to us in the deathcare business as a "decomp")  but let me say right here you have no idea how bad it can be.  To me, living in a house with that ungodly smell would be like living with a horrible toothache.  Impossible to think of anything else until it's taken care of.

I'm hoping that a few more felonies can be added to Amy's charges (how 'bout fraud, for one?) so she can know what it's like to rot...in prison.

Speaking of decomposing here's our next story.

Get the fuck off me, Fido, I'm just taking a nap.

There are no bigger dog lovers on the planet than me and Mrs. Funeral Guy.  We believe that man has a natural affinity for pooches and that the feeling is reciprocated.  Why, we even believe we'll be walking our mutts again when we reach the great beyond.

I'm sure that's the way that an unnamed man in Papillon, Nebraska felt right before he shot himself.  He put out some kibble for his little pugs, Harry and Sally, but it just wasn't enough.  So after a decent period of grieving Harry and Sally finished off the kibble and started in on Mr. Death By Self-inflicted Gunshot Wound.  By the time the authorities found the body two weeks post-mortem, it was pretty badly mutilated by the peckish pups.

The Humane Society of Nebraska said that Harry and Sally seemed to have survived their trauma and are now just hoping for a good home.

Sally and Harry.  Looking for a good home.

Can the Humane Society of Nebraska promise that they haven't 

developed a ravenous desire for human flesh?

I don't want to hear of anybody out there passing judgment on our little canine gourmets.  Let's say you, I don't know, survived a plane crash somewhere.  Somewhere, let's just say the Andes Mountains.  I guaranty that in a couple of weeks you'd be eating your own mother.  So there.


In other news about which I really have nothing to say except who knows why people do the shit they do. 

Shellie Ross, a mom in Florida, (where else?)  felt the need to Tweet about her son's drowning death in the pool minutes after it happened.  Opinions on the propriety of this is mixed as you might imagine.  One might pose the question if maybe mom spends too much time on the computer and not enough time paying mind where her son is.  Shellie calls anyone who questions the Twittering of something so personal, "a small minded asshole who deserves to rot in hell."  Hmmm, defensive much?  She hasn't been charged with anything, so there you go.

$20,000 bail apiece for these two jamokes.  

Wouldn't a legal late term abortion been cheaper?

Javier Gonzalez, 37, and Ruby Lee Medina, 31, of San Juan, Texas, used some pills to abort their 7 month old fetus.  When it wouldn't flush down the toilet, they put it in a gift box under the Christmas tree.  They have been arrested for abusing a corpse and tampering with evidence.  Considering it's legal to stick scissors in the head of a 9 month old fetus in order to facilitate the sucking out of it's brains, why are these two being arrested?  I'm not making a political point.  I'm seriously at a loss as to what their crime is.