Saturday, December 19, 2009

Weird death: It's in the news.

In an earlier post about TW (you know who I mean) I made a wish upon a star for some good death stories to take me away from the sleaze-a-thon.  Well, here they are.

Welcome to your Eternal your own sleep number bed!

Cozy, comfy and still getting paid.

Eighty-seven year old Blanche Roth entered into rest sometime in the spring and I do mean rest since she's been in her death bed until a just a few days ago.  Times are tough all over and North Carolina is certainly no exception so Blanche's daughter, Amy Blanche Stewart, figured just because momma was deceased the taxpayers shouldn't keep ponying up her social security checks.  So basically life just continued in the Roth household as usual.  (For everybody but Blanche, obviously.)  That's right.  Five family members, including kids, went about their daily routine while living in the house with Blanche's putrescent corpse for seven months until somebody finally dropped the dime to 911.  Daughter Amy was arrested on felony charges of concealment of death.

Amy Blanche Stewart.  She's got the "crazy eyes".

Beyond the utter disrespect of letting your mom decay and stink in her bedroom for seven months, how did they get around the smell?  Most people think they have an idea what a rotting body smells like, (known affectionately to us in the deathcare business as a "decomp")  but let me say right here you have no idea how bad it can be.  To me, living in a house with that ungodly smell would be like living with a horrible toothache.  Impossible to think of anything else until it's taken care of.

I'm hoping that a few more felonies can be added to Amy's charges (how 'bout fraud, for one?) so she can know what it's like to prison.

Speaking of decomposing here's our next story.

Get the fuck off me, Fido, I'm just taking a nap.

There are no bigger dog lovers on the planet than me and Mrs. Funeral Guy.  We believe that man has a natural affinity for pooches and that the feeling is reciprocated.  Why, we even believe we'll be walking our mutts again when we reach the great beyond.

I'm sure that's the way that an unnamed man in Papillon, Nebraska felt right before he shot himself.  He put out some kibble for his little pugs, Harry and Sally, but it just wasn't enough.  So after a decent period of grieving Harry and Sally finished off the kibble and started in on Mr. Death By Self-inflicted Gunshot Wound.  By the time the authorities found the body two weeks post-mortem, it was pretty badly mutilated by the peckish pups.

The Humane Society of Nebraska said that Harry and Sally seemed to have survived their trauma and are now just hoping for a good home.

Sally and Harry.  Looking for a good home.
Can the Humane Society of Nebraska promise that they haven't 
developed a ravenous desire for human flesh?

I don't want to hear of anybody out there passing judgment on our little canine gourmets.  Let's say you, I don't know, survived a plane crash somewhere.  Somewhere, let's just say the Andes Mountains.  I guaranty that in a couple of weeks you'd be eating your own mother.  So there.

In other news about which I really have nothing to say except who knows why people do the shit they do. 

Shellie Ross, a mom in Florida, (where else?)  felt the need to Tweet about her son's drowning death in the pool minutes after it happened.  Opinions on the propriety of this is mixed as you might imagine.  One might pose the question if maybe mom spends too much time on the computer and not enough time paying mind where her son is.  Shellie calls anyone who questions the Twittering of something so personal, "a small minded asshole who deserves to rot in hell."  Hmmm, defensive much?  She hasn't been charged with anything, so there you go.

$20,000 bail apiece for these two jamokes.  
Wouldn't a legal late term abortion been cheaper?

Javier Gonzalez, 37, and Ruby Lee Medina, 31, of San Juan, Texas, used some pills to abort their 7 month old fetus.  When it wouldn't flush down the toilet, they put it in a gift box under the Christmas tree.  They have been arrested for abusing a corpse and tampering with evidence.  Considering it's legal to stick scissors in the head of a 9 month old fetus in order to facilitate the sucking out of it's brains, why are these two being arrested?  I'm not making a political point.  I'm seriously at a loss as to what their crime is.

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