Dateline: Parma, OH.
Kids. Get with the program.
Real Santas are fat.
An odious kid toucher in a Santa suit was arrested for trying to lure a 12-year old girl behind some bushes. When the girl kept on walking the perverted pedo tried to grab her so she ran into a store and the ersatz Father Christmas vamoosed.
Police finally collared Anthony Russo as the creepy Kris Kringle who was in possession of a bag of candy canes and a unicycle (!!??). Family members say he is bipolar and delusional. I'll take their word on that one.