Saturday, December 12, 2009

Old lady on old lady violence. Will it never end?

It's not easy having a roommate.  They take your shit without asking, leave dried up scrambled egg on the stove, and let their skeevy fuck buddy sleep over all the time.  Usually by the time you start getting  financially more solvent in your late 20's it's adios roommates, good riddance.

You live your life.  All in all things are going pretty good and then it happens.  You get old.  You get feeble.  You start to shit and piss yourself (maybe without even knowing it).  Then one day you notice your kids exchanging worried glances when they think you're not looking.  Next thing you know you're in a fucking nursing home.  And unless you or your kids are rich, guess what?  You've got a roommate.

That's where 100 year old Elizabeth Barrow found herself.  Luck of the draw gets her in the same room with 98 year old Laura Lundquist who happens to have dementia along with other flights of dotty cuckoo-ness.  Unfortunately, Elizabeth's luck ran out when facility staff found her under the bed sheet with a plastic bag tied around her head.  I didn't take Sherlock Holmes to find the culprit.  According to statements previously made by Laura part of the motive was that she coveted Elizabeth's prime real estate of the bed by the window.  Boy, you know your world has shrunk to the size of a keyhole when a window view is an incentive for murder most foul.  I was somewhat puzzled by the statement by Bristol District Attorney C. Samuel Sutter.  He said an increase in violence is a statewide and national problem and is one that in all likelihood is going to get worse.  Huh!!???  Nursing home mayhem?  Is this an epidemic?  Is fossil on fossil crime on the rise?  What do they have to fight about?  Which is better?  Rascal or PowerChair?  "Goddamit!!! Those are my dentures.  Yours are in the green container you sonofabitch!!!  Where's my gun!"  "My pudding! Somebody took my goddam pudding!  I'm gonna kill you, you bitch!"

One final word to Laura.  Laura, what the hell were you thinking?  Elizabeth was 100 years old.  Couldn't you have just waited a couple of weeks?

Kids...please...I'll be good.  
Don't put me in one of those horrible places.
I don't want this to be my last vision in this world.


  1. No way to segue gracefully into this,but if there is you'll find a way!

  2. That's another bizarre find, tbird. I suppose a joke could be made about men in certain countries that have alot of camels. I may have to give that one a little thought.