Monday, June 20, 2011

Clinton!! Intern!! Pornstar!!

Yowsah, yowsah, yowsah!!  God.  I feel like a fucking carnival barker with that headline.  OK, settle down.  It's not exactly what you think.

Samantha Kogelman, whose nom de splooge is Sammie Spades, is the star of such epic smut as Big Butts Like It Big 8 and White Bubble Butts 4.   What else is on her resumé, you ask?  How about intern for then Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton?  Yes, little Sammie worked in the Senator's Buffalo, NY office in 2006 with the dream of becoming an attorney and then running for public orifice office.  After a stint with Hillary, during which she was, to the amazement of all, unable to hook up with a certain ex-presidential penis, little Samantha headed for Vegas to pursue a career in real estate, mortgages and the law.
Samantha and the Senator.
Catch Sammie in her latest fuck-flic, Big Noses Love Big Hoses. 

Alas, and alack, we all know how things tanked in Las Vegas and they don't call it Sin City for nothing, so Samantha did what any girl in her situation would do.  She got a job as a waitress and with the help of friends and family, worked long hours, got back into school and continued to reach for the stars to fulfill her feminist dreams of business success.

Naaaahhhhhhh...just kidding...she got into porn and stripping, of course.  What's a girl to do, 'ya know?   She gottsa' pay dem bills.  So I Googled up some performances of the of the gal reborn as Sammie Spades.  (I do this so you don't have to.)  I doubt you'll be shocked to hear that the star of the Big Butts Like it Big and White Bubble Butts series does more than take a schlong in the place where the baby comes out or the food goes in.  As for her last name?  Spades?  Well, yeah, she does a lot of those to, if you catch my drift.  (Actually, the White Bubble Butt specialty kind of gives it away, doesn't it?)  Interestingly, I also found her in a set of videos that are such niche porn that even I was unaware of it.  Overeating and Belly Stuffing fetish videos.  I watched one and it was basically Sammie stuffing a bunch of food in her mouth until her belly got full and round.  For a fetish performed by mostly chubby girls I must say it failed to give me one.  I seriously didn't get the point of it.  Then again, I don't like to fuck shoes or wear soiled panties over my nose either, so there you go.  I've always prided myself on being old-fashioned.

Why is this now a story?  Well, it's summer and the economy and bombing Libya is sooooooo boooooorrring.  The Weiner saga has gone flaccid and the chance to put Clinton, intern and pornstar in the same sentence is just too delicious to pass up.  Plus, if I was a betting man, I would wager that the former Samantha Kogelman saw a certain Ginger Lee get leg up (so to speak) on her "featured dancer" career and decided to jump on the gravy train.  Good for her, but the Democratic Party bigwigs are probably not too happy now that America is beginning to wonder why their policies seem to hold a particular appeal to pornstars, "featured dancers",  government union bosses and other out of the mainstream exotics.

    Sammie Spades at the AVN Awards.
140 lbs. of sausage in a 100 lb. casing. 

Anyway, back to our plucky heroine, Sammie.  When she gets back on her feet (from being on her back, her knees and on all fours) Sammie wants to forge ahead with her original dreams.  Because what Fortune 500 entity worth their Google skills wouldn't want the star of CEO's and Office Ho's and Butt Licking Anal Whores 13 bringing a touch of class (and ass!) to the stuffy corporate environment?  The sky's the limit for our gal Sammie.  As Sammie says, confident in her ability to multi-task, "I now shoot porn, dance and go to school full time.  I'm even on the Dean's list."

I bet you are Sammie...I bet you are.

1 comment:

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