Saturday, May 15, 2010

If I bring a note from my doctor would you forgive my absence?

Have you been looking for my picture on the side of a milk carton lately?  My army of fans are asking, "Where in the fuck is The Funeral Guy?"  Well...The Funeral Guy has been doing...funerals.  And has also been involved with the medico-industrial complex.'t panic.  God don't want me yet.  I'm just being checked over for some of the things that an older person's flesh is heir to.  That, and some of the lingering oozy after effects of my misspent youth.

President Obama.
Giving us another I'm-really-disappointed-in-you-people lecture. 

Be that as it may.  There hasn't been shit on the interwebs that is the least bit inspiring to write about anyway.  Politics?  Obama continues to bore and annoy the shit out of me every time he opens his mouth as he blithely goes about dismantling the greatest country the world has ever known.

Well, this should get the tourists to Greece 
for the summer season. 
Did you know the Greeks invented homosexuality?  
It's true.  You can look it up. 

Lazy as shit government workers (I use the word "workers" loosely) and the usual collection of losers, commies and anarchists are burning down Greece.  Greece was once known as the Cradle of Civilization, now it's the soft, comfy hammock of indolent socialists that spend their time either trying to expand their benefits if they work for the government or avoiding confiscatory taxes if they toil in what's left of the private sector.  Either way, the unrelenting reality of math is finally catching up to the European welfare state.  The times of champagne nights and caviar dreams are over and nobody wants to pay the bill.  Since the U.S. contributes a large share of the International Monetary Fund, you, the American taxpayer will be helping our Eurotrash brother and sisters with the tab.  You know them.  The ones whose ass we've saved in every fucking war, cold or hot, over the last century.   And as our thanks we get disdain and derision.  While the hand is always out, of course.

Lovely Lindsay Lohan.
23 years old and looking like a bloated middle-aged barfly. 
She's my #1 pick in the funeral home Death Pool. 

Like I said.  Same old, same old.  Can't Lindsay Lohan OD already for chrissakes?  Can't some celebrity asshole get caught with a harem of hookers in his basement?  That would get the TFG writing juices flowing again.

Matt Lauer.  You really disappointed me.

Matt Lauer and his MILF-y wife Annette announce 
there's no "Bombshell" McGee in their marriage. 
Shown here at the Annual Hair Club for Men Charity Ball. 

1 comment:

  1. Mr. TFG,
    Jeez, I come here for the cynical humor! You sound like you're as fed up as me. No relief to be found here! I guess we're just brothers in dismay! I'm not quiting though. I get tired, but I have not yet begun to fight. And I hope I draw an audience when I get smeared.