Sunday, May 16, 2010

Better, faster, drunker. The eyes have it!

Pouring hard liquor directly into your eyeballs.  Now why in the fuck didn't I ever think of that?  (Stranger still, why didn't Laura Hall ever think of that?)

Eyeball drinking. like this. 

Like This!!!

The new craze amongst British university students is taking straight shots of Vodka through the eye for a faster high.  The article says that this drunken fuckery started here in the U.S., but I just checked with my daughter, Ms. Funeral Guy, and she's never heard of it.  And she goes to one of the premier hippie party schools in the crumbling State of California.  I suspected as much.  The students at my daughters school might smoke reefer by sticking a bong up their butts on 4/20, but even they're savvy enough not to put burning alcohol into their eyes.  Plus, I don't think the UK needs to look to America for innovations on how to better attain inebriated oblivion.  It's one of the few things they're good at.

Just what British gals need...
a faster way to get like this. 

Like the junkie on Intervention that shoots up in his jugular vein, these bonehead Brits are starting to find that their delivery system of choice can be problematic.  Why, some of these folks are beginning to develop eye problems.  EYE PROBLEMS!!??  Guess they never saw that coming.  Tee hee, get it?
Melissa Fontaine.  
Not only stupid enough to guzzle booze through her cornea,
but dim enough to admit it in 
newspaper with her photo attached. 

Case in point.  Melissa Fontaine, whose fancy upbringing, proper manner and university degree belie the fact that she is a stupid sheep who would go along with such obviously moronic behavior, now has a permanently sore and seeping eyeball.  One would think that might hinder her chances in the romance department as well.  If I ran into a comely lass whose one eye was constantly discharging some kind of goop, I might also wonder if there may possibly be a hygiene problem down in her nether parts as well.

But, not to worry much.  Like all fads, this too shall pass.  When graduation time finally arrives and the search for employment begins, the highly educated ladettes can all find work as........

Pirate Wenches.

1 comment:

  1. Eyeball drinking fad? Haven't they ever heard of swallowing a live goldfish? At least there is protein in the goldfish.