A chicken in every pot...and free jizz bags in every pocket.

This story is not as bad as City of New York employees retiring at age 50 with $100,000+ annual pensions, but it's pretty bad.  

Holy shit, Funeral Guy, what the hell could be almost as bad as lazy ass unionized government employees?  How about that the taxpayers of Washington, D.C. not only pony up no cost condoms for the horny denizens of our nation's capitol, but now the freeloading fuckers are complaining about the quality.

No.....Durex rubbers aren't good enough for these playas.  They gotsta have Trojans.  And not just any Trojans, mind you.  They wants Trojan Magnums.  You know, the ones for biiiiiiiiiig johnsons.  (If this was any city other than D.C. I'd say these guys were just bragging.  But, well...you know.)  I kid you not.  Go here to the Trojan website and watch the video with rapper Ludacris plugging the Magnums.  (Why Ludacris?  Because...well...you know.)  The Trojan Magnums also have more visual appeal to the D.C. demographic because as Michael Kharfen, spokesman for the city's HIV/AIDS administration puts it, "The gold package certainly has a little of the bling quality."  Well, there you go, then.  When I stick my hang low in the stank ho' I want my thing to have dat bling.

Check this quote from T. Squalls, 30, student of the University of the District of Columbia.  "If people get what they don't want, they are just going to trash them.  So why not spend a few extra dollars and get what people want?"  Why not indeed, Mr. T. Squalls?  What's a few dollars more to you?  All you're doing is putting your hand in the jimmie jar.  Let's leave aside the fact that T. Squalls is still dicking around in college at the ripe age of thirty (pun intended) notice how he's absorbed his generations' sense of entitlement and "somebody else has to pay for me" attitude.  Since he lives near the heart of our bloated, other peoples' money federal government, he probably developed this blase' sense of giveaway through osmosis.  I fully realize that the point of the free rubbers is to prevent AIDS, but shouldn't the thought of contracting and dying from a horrible disease be enough to make even the most irresponsible dumbass cough up a few bucks for a pack of prophylactics?  If it isn't, then it should be.  Grow the fuck up.

How long before the "ladies" of the nation's 
capitol start demanding the Twister condom? 

Her pleasure ought be free too.  

So remember ladies.  If you happen to run into T. Squalls and he want to ax you out, what you're getting is a thirty year old loser who has neither the aspiration nor the money to buy his own penis hats.  You've been warned.

Enjoy your dinner at Mickey D's.