Sunday, May 16, 2010

Some athlete named L.T. is in some kind of trouble...again.

I know I should have been on top of this sooner (pun intended), but it involves some athlete by the name of Lawrence Taylor that I don't know fuck-all about and the alleged victim is a 16 year old alleged hooker so that means no sexy photos which carries a lot of weight on this site.  A lot of my luck with the ladies (Mrs. Funeral Guy included) can be attributed to the fact that I don't give two shits about sports although I must admit the Lingerie Football League looks interesting.  My researcher, Lexxie, has just informed me that L.T. was also on the TV show, Dancing with the Stars.  (Since long retired, drug involved football players and Kate fucking Gosselin qualify as "stars" these days.  Go figure.)

Lawrence Taylor.
Practicing one of his favorite positions. 

So here's the story in a nutshell.   (Disclaimer: all acts in this recounting are alleged.)  This L.T. character, who I now know is a 51 year old ex-crackhead ex-football player, gets himself a hooker from some pimp named Rasheed Davis.  (The last name is a giveaway that it's a black pimp type Rasheed as opposed to a Muslim terrorist type Rasheed.)   The unnamed ho' is 16 years old and in the employ of the aforementioned Rasheed.  As per her contract with Rasheed the underage trollop does what she's told and takes the occasional ass whupping tuneup as needed.   When she gets to the room she tells L.T. when asked that she's 19 which in the State of New York is no defense when it comes to banging teenagers.

Later, the girl's uncle calls the coppers when he gets a text from his missing niece.  Police find the young doxy at the residence of Mr. Davis and charge the pimp with false imprisonment.  L.T.'s arrest for third degree rape and solicitation of a prostitute follow.  The jailbait whore also turns up sporting a black eye but the pimp is blamed not the john.

In spite of the fact that we have the novelty of a black, athlete/celebrity not named Tiger Woods to cluck-cluck over, a great deal of fog on this story has yet to clear.  In the beginning, L.T.' s attorney and bald-headed FOX News talking head shyster Arthur Aidala, said that the randy footballer was completely innocent.  L.T.'s wife, Lynette, (who I assume could be described as "long suffering") is standing by her man.  What a gal, eh guys?  L.T., for his part, didn't get the script because he admitted that he paid $300.00 for the underage poontang.

The latest is that L.T. is now saying he didn't fuck the little prostie, all he did was thump his dummy while gazing on her nubile loveliness.  This is backed up by a 23 year old stripper friend of the whore poor exploited teenage runaway who said she (the hooker) bragged about getting paid even though "I didn't even have to fuck him."  Which tells you all you need to know about the slacker work ethic of today's youth.

So wife, lawyer, fans and jock sniffing sportswriters are all crying setup, setup, setup.  Considering all of  L.T.'s past run-ins with the law it's hard for some to imagine the possibility that for some strange unknown reason, Lawrence Taylor (like Mayor Marion Berry) is just cosmically condemned to being a magnet for setups.   I think we can all agree, however, this is as confusing a cluster fuck as only something involving drug-addled has-been football players, enabling wives, spin doctor lawyers, teenage prostitutes, strippers, and pimps named Rasheed, can be.

One thing we do know for sure.  When a 51 year old man, to get himself out of trouble, has to admit that he paid an underage skank ho' $300.00 to watch him jack his joystick instead of fucking her, that's a bad day for him.

1 comment:

  1. I've just downloaded iStripper, so I can have the sexiest virtual strippers on my desktop.