Sunday, November 8, 2009

Fate's Fickle Finger Crashes Carrie's Christian Career.

I've always told my daughter two things.  Never get a tattoo that you can't hide under summer office clothing and never let a boyfriend/husband or whatever point any kind of camera at you while you're wearing anything less than a bathing suit.  Do a CIA type sweep of the bedroom if you have to.

Carrie Prejean's 15 minutes are over for the time being at least.  (Previous comments here.)  While at a settlement conference with the pageant poobahs Carrie got smacked with the ultimate trump card.  The pageant's attorney hit the play button on the TV and by all accounts there was our little Carrie strumming her love button and performing what is known in the porn biz as a "solo act."  According to TMZ (which along with the National Enquirer is more reliable in these matters than the now irrelevent New York Times) it took about 15 seconds before Carrie's millions went flying out the window and the settlement shrunk to $100,000 in lawyers fees.  I suppose it goes without saying that her stock with the Christian community has cratered faster than GM before the bailout.   She's already been dropped from one family values event and the rest of the dominoes are sure to follow.

I imagine the tape is kind of like this.  Only without the top.  And without the bottom.  And she's lying down.  And her eyes are kind of half closed and she's licking her moist lips and...and...say? it getting a little warm in here?  

Because of confidentiality agreements some of this stuff seems a little murky to me.  Some reports say the tape was taken by a boyfriend.  (I told 'ya girls!)  TMZ is not posting the tape because it's too racy.  Uh, yeah, it's not called porn for nothing, TMZ.  I'm sure it will turn up eventually as these things always do.  (Will I watch it when it does?  I feel that it's my duty to my readers to report.  So, yes, you betcha'.)

TMZ is also reporting today that just to make it a grand slam, when the tape was played Carrie's mom was also in the room.  Ouch!  Your mom catching you masturbate.  Carrie, darlin', a 13 year old Funeral Guy can relate.

So here's my take on this whole thing.   Carrie seems like a nice enough girl.  God knows she's shit hot. Without that magic question from that slimy douchebag Perez Hilton, Carrie Prejean would be less than a footnote.  She would probably have modeled for a few more years.  After that; marriage, 2.5 kids and a scrapbook with "look at how pretty mommy was" pictures.  But she did get the question.  She answered it as honestly and articulately as she could.  (An answer that our Dear Leader The Bamster supposedly agrees with, let's not forget.  But like everything else he says nobody really believes it.)  So down on her head comes the vast armies of the politically correct.  They made her famous.  Then the other side gave her a platform and she ran with it.  You don't involve yourself with beauty pageants and modeling because you're anti-fame.

Which brings us to the crash and burn.  She had to know that the tape was out there.  Then as we humans are wont to do she goes into denial sure that it will never show up.  Kids (OK-young adults) aren't any stupider than their parents were they just have the disadvantage of every electronic device made these days having a camera as a feature.   So it's easy to be either captured unaware during a stupid moment or being drunk enough to have the bad judgement to do it to yourself.   I came of age during the booze, blow and sex-soaked 70's.  Am I glad that the portable video device hadn't been invented yet?  Sure am.

I'm not too worried about Carrie, though.  She's gonna be fine.  Hell, we had a president that was exposed (tee hee) as a guy who was getting a knob polish by an intern half his age and a week later was standing at a podium giving the State of the Union address.  This is a forgiving country.

I'll be looking forward to her giving us all a leg show as a Fox News Babe in about 6 months.

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