Monday, November 9, 2009

Honey?? I'm in the bathroom. Will you come here a minute? I need you to take a look at this.

Here is a joke I heard when I was a lad.

Teenage boy and girl are walking through the woods.

Boy says to girl:  Will you lift up your dress so I can see what's under there?

Girl:  OK.  (Lifts dress, boy looks.)

Boy:  Sure is a wonder!  (they walk a little farther.)

Boy:  Will you lift up your dress again and let me have another look?

Girl:  OK.  (Lifts dress, boy looks again.)

Boy:  Wow...It sure is a wonder!  (They keep walking with the scenario repeating a couple of more times.)

Girl:  You keep wanting to see under there.  What in the Sam Hill is such a wonder?

Boy:  It sure is a wonder that your guts don't fall out!!

Hahahahahahahaha!   Okay, not that great but when you're ten it's a hoot.

That was a long way to go to get to the gist of this post, but here goes.  tbird is concerned that there's been way too much penis stuff on The Funeral Guy so, ladies, he sent this for you.

First, a confession.  In the course of my duties at the funeral home, I have to tell you that I've seen just about everything.  Heads blown off by shotguns, bodies completely mangled in accidents, people that were decomposing for three weeks, horrible cancers, you name it.  You get to the point where you look at it and go..."hmmm, interesting...I wonder where I should go for lunch."  My little secret is that medical procedures and some conditions really have the power to make me straight out woozy.

So when I went to tbird's link and saw the headline--Woman's Health Horror: "My Vagina Fell Out." I asked Mrs. Funeral Guy to get me the smelling salts....STAT!!!!

To make a long story short, Allison Henry had a vaginal prolapse and then some.  (Now, I've seen Blooper Porn where some slag is getting anal and her ass falls out.  Gross, but hey, you brought that on yourself, dearie.  That's an outie not an innie.)  Anyway, back to Allison.  You really have to read the whole thing but just to give you the substance of the problem this is what her pelvic floor specialist said upon examination.  And this is a direct quote from the story-her doctor said this to her- "Holy crap--your vagina is falling out of your body, and it's dragging your bladder and your rectum along with it!"   Wow.  Great bedside manner, Doc.  That should keep the patient nice and calm.

I'll let you ladies pour over the lurid details of this woman's ordeal, and at this time I will also say--

WARNING.  MEN---DO NOT READ THIS ARTICLE.  THIS IS NOT AN IMAGE YOU WANT IN YOUR HEAD.  EVEN WITHOUT PICTURES THIS IS A HORROR BEYOND IMAGINING.  SERIOUSLY.   IF YOU EVER WANT TO LOOK AT YOUR LADY'S  SWEET LITTLE YUM YUM AGAIN UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL...DO NOT READ THIS!

The most amazing part of this woman's story is that after all these numerous surgeries to put her guts back up into her body she said (I really had to pick myself up off the floor after this one) "On top of this, I had a labia reduction, and that was brutal..."

So, just to back up the bus a bit.  Her vagina's falling out, her rectum is falling out, her bladder is falling out.  With all the pain and horror of having to have it all put back inside, her final request is, "You know doc?  While you're down there I'd really like to have me one of those nice little porn star pussies.  Fix me up, will ya'?"

God.  I need to lie down.


Allison Henry.  
Too Much Information or not enough conditioner?  

 Women sure are a sharing bunch aren't they?  She almost craps out her bladder, her hoo-hoo and her dumper, then writes an article about it and includes her picture.  That way if you ever meet her you can bring up the subject right away, while at the same time wondering how cute her new little minky looks.

You will never...and I repeat...never see a picture of a man accompanying an article with the title---
Man's Health Horror..."My Dick Fell Off."

6 comments:

  1. Too much of a good thing?
    Way too much....
    http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/80806674/

    She's going to need this service:
    http://www.rent-a-dildo.com/index.htm

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  2. tbird,

    I'd love to hear more about the two vaginas. Unfortunately, you'd have to watch a whole Tyra show to do it. I bet a guy would ask the really interesting questions. You really got me on the dildo rental. Good one.

    TFG

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  3. http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/woman/real_life/article344794.ece
    Knock yourself out FG. She is all over the web.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Kind of confusing with the two different names. But how many Brit girls would have this condition? On Tyra she's more fixed up. Sad story.

    TFG

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  5. Sadly bizarre, Funeral Guy....

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  6. It's interesting that it's been turned into an Advanced Health Care Directive issue. I would like to see how this would be handled here. State laws would differ, I imagine. I'll have to throw this over to my brother, The Conservatarian.

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