Sunday, May 15, 2011

Australian man odds-on early favorite in 2011 Darwin Awards competition.

Planking?  No, thanks.  I'll stick to wanking and yanking or even sexy spanking and suggest you do the same.  (And ladies?  Keep doing whatever it is that you do.)  I'd never heard of this and you know at my age I just love to stay hep to all the hijinks that the youngsters are grokking.

 This is planking.  Lying stiffly on something and 
having your photo taken. Yep, that's it. 
 Ladies, you're supposed to be smarter than this. 

Planking is lying down in unusual places, your body stiff as a board, being photographed, then posting the results on social networking sites, (i.e. Facebook) for the hilarious effect and thigh slapping amusement of your peer group.  (i.e. other young idiots.)  Harmless fun, I suppose.  It's always harmless fun...UNTIL SOMEBODY DIES!!!

Aussie Acton "Foolish" Beale.  Perpetuating the stereotype of 
good looking guy equals not a lot upstairs.  

And the Grim Reaper is exactly who Mr. Acton Beale met after he unsuccessfully tried to plank himself on a 5cm wide balcony railing.  He then rather predictably by my estimation, fell into the afterlife.  5 centimeters is just a cunt hair under 2 inches for those of us who use real American measuring standards.  Think about that.  Lying stiffly supine on a two inch railing seven stories above the ground.  What could possibly go wrong?   It's not like they put railings on elevated areas to keep people from falling off.  No, they must be there so you can lie on them like a piece of wood.  Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.  Can it get any funnier?   Nobody saw Acton fall which strikes me odd since isn't the photo the whole point?  Maybe he was doing the arms length self photo which has been perfected by amateur internet sluts taking pictures of their asses in their filthy bathrooms.

Be that as it may, Mr. Beale has become a cautionary tale as Aussie police are advising all the young boneheads to have your fun but be safe.  Duh.  Small comfort and a little late for the parents of Mr. Beale as they plan his funeral.

Stupid is as stupid does has been the province of the young for all recorded history.  My parent's generation swallowed goldfish and stuffed as many people in a phone booth as possible.  My fellow boomers simply took copious amounts of drugs.   At least we had the payoff of a nice buzz before the occasional demise from an overdose.

Planking?  More stupid than drugs.  Just say no.

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