Anytime you have a headline with the words "Staff" "Member" and Schwarzenegger in it you know you have a juicy story.

We all knew about the former Governator and his wife Maria separating after 25 years of marriage.  Well it now turns out that Ahnold put his "member" (or "staff" if you prefer) in one of the household staff.  Female, we will presume, since lo and behold a little Austrian Oak (or Oakette) popped out.  Uh, oh, I bet he wasn't "over the moon" about that little slip up.  (And no.  We here at The Funeral Guy are not going to respect your family through this difficult time.  The Funeral Guy is not in the celebrity douchebag respect business.)  Why is this always referred to as a "love child"?  Most of the time I would suspect that "Love" has nothing to do with it.  I do have other "L" words in mind, however.  (That would be Lust, Licentiousness, Lasciviousness, Lechery, Lewdness or Libido in case you need help.)

Arnold and wife Skeletor Maria

The parties involved ain't talkin' and understandably so.  What's Maria going to say?  "I'm a Kennedy.  I grew up in a family where you would walk into the kitchen and one of the guys would be diddling the cook from behind while she was making Eggs Benedict.  It was more or less a daily occurrence.  When I was a kid the men would gather after dinner in the library for brandy, cigars and blow jobs from the maid.  I just stopped noticing after awhile.  That said, I certainly expected my husband Arnold to maintain a higher moral stance because he was a major action movie star.  If you can't trust a Hollywood celebrity, who can you trust?"

 No photos available of the staff member but considering 

the risk involved it better look like this.  

Good Kennedy Family gossip here.  Read the stuff about the former president.  Man, if all that is true, the dude was a pathological satyr.