Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Ahnolds Squeeze Revealed! (And it's not a pretty picture.)

I was going to let the Schwarzenegger "Love Child" story die a natural death, but I've got to take a final shot.  (If all sorts of great looking whores with pictures and sordid stories start crawling from the baseboards all bets are off.)

The UK Mail (Brit papers are the only good ones anymore) has photos of the family maid that Ahnold put in the family way.  Her name is Mildred Baena.  She is fifty years old now and her son is 14.  Math is not my forte' but by taking off my shoes and socks I've determined Mildred was 36 when she was getting the poke from the Austrian Oak.

Now I don't know what Mildred looked like 14 years ago when she was 20.  Maybe she was a hot Latina firecracker.  Some gals have a short window of babeitude.  That's just the way life works.   Fourteen years ago Maria Shriver looked pretty good but in need of a few sandwiches.  Women can never understand when men cheat on their attractive wives.  (Or at least women that other woman find attractive.  Women think Sarah Jessica Parker is attractive.  Men don't.  Trust me.)  One of the only funny things Maureen Dowd ever wrote was when she was pondering the appeal of Monica Lewinsky to a sitting President.  She wrote Bill Clinton just grabbed "the closest doughnut on the platter."  Ms. Dowd, you have just found one of the keys to understanding male sexuality.  (Full disclosure: my past life has not been exemplary as my regular readers know.)

Mildred Benea Now.  
I've seen some hot older Mexican broads.
Mildred ain't one of them. 

So here's today's lesson for my fellow men.  Don't fuck around on your wife for any reason.  It's a bad deal all the way around.  You will regret it.  OK. Now that I have that disclaimer out of the way for my wife's sake and you're not going to listen to me anyway, think on this.

Guys, this is the new age.  Everybody has a camera, a Facebook page and a big mouth.  If you fuck around you have a 99.9% chance of all the bad shit you're doing being found out.  If you're a celebrity or political figure the number rises to 100% so this is mainly for you.  Regular schlubs can sometimes work things out because the humiliations are not so public.  So, seriously, think long and hard (then get your dick short and soft and think again) about that piece of ass you just have to have.  There's a good chance you're throwing your reputation, you career, your family and all you've worked for down the volcano.

TMZ just posted some new photos.  I now know what she looked like 14 years ago, and OH MY GOD!

Mildred one year before the "Love Child" conception.
This made Arnold out of control horny?  

Mildred as she looked right before the 
Terminator Spawn burst from her lady parts.  

I don't want to be unkind.  I'm sure Mildred is a perfectly nice woman.  If you put aside the fact that she willingly boned her employer's husband, that is.  But let's be brutally honest.  This is not movie star fuck material.  (In my mind she's barely two in the morning last call at the bar material.)  Along with being an asshole for cheating on his wife, Schwarzenegger should be really fucking embarrassed by this.  Maureen Dowd's closest doughnut on the platter theory writ large.  What the hell was he thinking?

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