Wednesday, May 25, 2011

This is why the phrase is blow it out your ass. Not in.

Just when you thought you'd heard everything, something happens that really makes you question the order  of the universe.  Steven McCormack, 48, a New Zealand truck driver fell onto the fitting of a compressed air hose.  It pierced his ass and started filling him with air like the Michelin Man.  I shit you not.  

Steve's co-workers heard him screaming and turned off the air and Steven was rushed to the hospital with swelling that separated the fat from his muscle.  

Steve McCormack waiting for the doctor to come 
with a big hat pin so he can be popped and the air let out. 

I used to know a chick that was an ER nurse.  She used to tell me the funniest shit about guys that would come in with all kinds of things stuck in them.   One moron had a potato up his ass.  His explanation?  The spud was on the couch and he came out of the shower and just sat down on it by mistake.  Really??!!  A whole potato up your bunghole without any Astroglide?  I wouldn't let Mrs. Funeral Guy put her pinky in my butt without a couple of teaspoons of Wet Platinum.  (You should really get some of that stuff, it's great and I'm not being paid for the endorsement.)   Another guy had a light bulb buried in his bunghole.  Not one of the new Al Gore bulbs either, which I could almost understand.  That squiggle would be like a ribbed butt plug.  Same story, shower, couch, light bulb....OUCH!  Her favorite was the man that had his weenus stuck in the vacuum cleaner.  His story was that it relaxed him to vacuum in the nude.  (Every woman's fantasy, I know.)   Yep, vacuuming away and Mr. Winkie gets sucked into the void.  

I'm not saying that's what happened to the hapless Mr. McCormack.  But a nice blast of air might make a nice tickle on the prostate for those so inclined.  Like the guys in the ER might say, "It could happen". 

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