Saturday, July 18, 2009

Died on this date:

Wow, big day in celebrity death!

Bobby Fuller-Musician/Songwriter. July 18, 1966 (age 23)

Suicide or Murder most foul? Without this little bit of mystery Bobby Fuller would be an even smaller footnote in 60's folk-pop one hit wonderness. "I Fought the Law and the Law Won" was a cool little song (written by Bobby) that made us feel groovy in swingin' 1966. Unfortunately Bobby was unable to enjoy the fruits of his success as he was found dead in his car of a gunshot wound shortly after topping the charts. While officially ruled a suicide, a badly botched investigation led to the inevitable rumors of murder. We'll never know until we meet Bobby in the afterlife. Then we can ask him.

Nico-Singer. July 18, 1988 (Age 49)

One of the many marginal talents of the Andy Warhol Factory scene in the (here we go again) Swingin' 60's. Actress, model, German nihilist (is there any other kind?) , singer, hanger on, star-fucker and raging heroin addict, Nico was the good looking one in The Velvet Underground. Personally, I was never that into the whole underground thing, having early on fallen in love with Buddy Holly, The Everly Brothers, and The Beatles. I was always more drawn to melody than droning attitude. I know many will differ. As to Nico's singing I recently listened to her probably best know album "Chelsea Girl" and I have to admit I found it rather compelling in a sort of offhand mediocre singer kind of way. On this album anyway there's a certain winsomeness to her pitchy weird vocals. Worth a listen. Death came from a fall off a bicycle after a minor heart attack. After she was found unconscious she was misdiagnosed with heat stroke and subsequently died. A postmortem x-ray revealed a cerebral hemorrhage as the cause of death.

Rebecca Schaeffer-Actress. July 18, 1988 (Age 21)

Budding young actress Rebecca Shaeffer's enduring legacy will be that she brought the concept of the "stalker" into the national lexicon. Rebecca was shot point blank in the chest when she answered the door to Robert John Bardo a sad sack psycho loser who had been writing her fan letters. When these demented missives failed to win Rebecca' s heart Robert John naturally felt dissed and obtained her address by paying a Tucson private dick $250 to get her address through the California DMV records. (And you thought those DMV people just sat around all day with their thumbs up their ass. Your tax dollars at work!) The one thing I always found interesting about this case besides the totally loony stalker name of Robert John Bardo was that nobody was ever found that said, " Oh, Bob? Gee, he seemed like such a normal guy, I never would have thought that he would do something like this." No. Robert John Bardo was shit nuts and looked it. After Schaeffer's murder laws were changed to tighten up the privacy procedures at the DMV. Who knew that giving out your personal information was their one area of efficiency? Rest in Peace, Rebecca. The celebrities of the world breathe a little easier today because of you.

Mary Jo Kopechne-Woman with shitty taste in men. July 18, 1969 (Age 28)

The world owes a debt of gratitude to Miss Kopechne for exposing to any sentient being that Edward "Ted" Kennedy was and is a cowardly, lying, sniveling, self-serving, whoremongering large economy sized sack of dog shit. Please note that when I say sentient being this does not apply to the media who insist on referring to this bloviating crap weasel as the "liberal lion of the Senate." I swear I threw up in my mouth just writing that. Let's have a capsule recap, shall we? On the night of July 18, 1969 Mary Jo foolishly accepts a ride home from Senator Me-So-Horny. He then makes a wrong turn and crashes through a guardrail and the car, the Senator, and Mary Jo all end up in the murky lagoon. Senator Ted does his best impression of Michael Phelps and swims to safety while Mary Jo fights for air in a rapidly contracting air pocket. A very confused Senator Bump-on-the-Head feels that the best thing he can do for his unfortunate innocent passenger is to call his political aides instead of the police or paramedics. The good Senator and his brain trust are still trying to figure out who to alert to maybe save Miss Whatshername when her drowned corpse is discovered in the car at dawn's early light. (I think drowning would be one of the worst ways to go, don't you?) Two weeks later Kennedy pleads guilty to leaving the scene of an accident after causing injury and is lightly bitch slapped with a two month suspended sentence. Senator Ted went on TV that very night and claimed that he was neither intoxicated nor involved extramaritally with Miss Kopechne. (How 'bout them apples? A sober, non-cheating Kennedy male in close proximity to a hot blonde. Not drunk, not involved. No way, no sir, no how. Next up...A leprechaun riding a unicorn!!!) After some tepid huffing from the media about power and privilege and money and what happened to Camelot and yada yada yada, our boyish hero, Senator Butter-Wouldn't-Melt-in-My-Mouth, blithely goes about his life as liberal lion and poor Mary Jo gets her trip to the graveyard in a hearse. Now that Ted has his own eternity to contemplate (hope that brain tumor REALLY hurts, Teddy me boy) I wonder if in the dark nights of his soul he thinks about what it will be like to finally come face to face with long dead and long forgotten Mary Jo Nobody. But you know what? I wouldn't worry too much about that one, Senator. Something tells me you're gonna be on the down escalator.

Henry William Allingham-No longer the world's oldest living man. July 18, 2009 (Age 113)

Nothing snarky to say. Seemed like a decent chap with an amazing life. Died of....are you kidding me?

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