Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Can Mark Sanford be more of a douchebag?

For a while I was almost willing to give Mark Sanford a marginal pass. After all, we're all fallen, right? But since he won't shut up I've looked into my crystal ball and seen the next chapter in this farce.

The scene: Mark Sanford's next news conference.

Gov. Sanford: OK...I been thinking that there are a few more things I need to get off of my chest so I can get on with the peoples' business and to help heal my family. So here goes. There were times when I couldn't be with my soulmate so I would take some solace by sitting at my computer and browsing certain websites. I'm sure you know what kind of websites I mean. Anyway, while looking at these websites...I like the variety and the search feature of Pornhub, I must tell you...Anyway,as I was saying. While looking at these websites at no time did I cross the line. I repeat. I did not cross the line...Oh, except maybe one time. I think it was an interracial gangbang scene with Sasha Gray. God, that little girl can take a big one....Goodness, me. But that's the only time...THE ONLY TIME. Ahh, wait a minute...OK, I think there might have been one other time of line crossing...Yeah, it was Angel Dark....on a pool table...with a know, one of those clear plastic ones...boy those are sexy... and her tits are huge....AND REAL!!! Yeah, I did cross the line there too. And it got all over my pants. But that's it. OK that's all for today. I'd like to thank the press for coming. No pun intended. haha. I should be able to think of more to confess so contact my press office and we can do this again tomorrow. Thank you.

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