So drunk the charge was Assault With A "Dead" Weapon.

Marium Varinauskas, 28, (try saying that 3 times real fast) is a Lithuanian guy.  That's sort of like Russian, isn't it?  He lives in Scotland.  That's basically Britain, right?  You know from bitter experience this story involves shit-faced drunky behavior, don't you?

Marium's girlfriend called the local constabulary to complain that her Lithuanian love boy was hammered in the extreme.  A lady copper dutifully shows up to counsel the couple, whereupon Marium stands up, whips out his willy, and thrusts it at the face of the copper-ette.  Only some deft movement on the part of the brave lass saved her from being poked by his pork pickle.  A spokesman described it as a "distasteful experience for the officer."  Imagine how distasteful it would have been had he hit his target. Eeeuuuwwwww!!!!

All was resolved when an "extremely embarrassed" Marium "apologized profusely" and was fined the equivalent of $900.  He has also promised to cut out the binge boozing.

Marium Varinauskas.

Even his head looks like a big penis. 

I'm struck by how this would be handled by an American policewoman as opposed to whatever kind of puffball training the Brits do.

First of all, over here can you call the police to complain that your significant other is three sheets to the wind?  God, if that were the case I would have had cops at my house almost daily in the swingin' 70's.  I would imagine if you did do that in most American cities they would say, "Call us back when he hits you."  Click.

Also, what cop goes to a house, finds a wasted, angry bum in his underpants, then joins him sitting down on the couch?  Oh, my.  How veddy, veddy non-confrontational, don't you know.  Shit.  In the good old USA Ms. "I Gotta Badge And Gun" would be standing over the liquor sponge with her hand on the taser.  Any attempt to whip out the worm would be met with 50,000 volts right in the old jizzer.

Someone is going to jail tonight.  Case closed.