So drunk the charge was Assault With A "Dead" Weapon.

Marium Varinauskas, 28, (try saying that 3 times real fast) is a Lithuanian guy.  That's sort of like Russian, isn't it?  He lives in Scotland.  That's basically Britain, right?  You know from bitter experience this story involves shit-faced drunky behavior, don't you?

Marium's girlfriend called the local constabulary to complain that her Lithuanian love boy was hammered in the extreme.  A lady copper dutifully shows up to counsel the couple, whereupon Marium stands up, whips out his willy, and thrusts it at the face of the copper-ette.  Only some deft movement on the part of the brave lass saved her from being poked by his pork pickle.  A spokesman described it as a "distasteful experience for the officer."  Imagine how distasteful it would have been had he hit his target. Eeeuuuwwwww!!!!

All was resolved when an "extremely embarrassed" Marium "apologized profusely" and was fined the equivalent of $900.  He has also promised to cut out the binge boozing.

Marium Varinauskas.

Even his head looks like a big penis. 

I'm struck by how this would be handled by an American policewoman as opposed to whatever kind of puffball training the Brits do.

First of all, over here can you call the police to complain that your significant other is three sheets to the wind?  God, if that were the case I would have had cops at my house almost daily in the swingin' 70's.  I would imagine if you did do that in most American cities they would say, "Call us back when he hits you."  Click.

Also, what cop goes to a house, finds a wasted, angry bum in his underpants, then joins him sitting down on the couch?  Oh, my.  How veddy, veddy non-confrontational, don't you know.  Shit.  In the good old USA Ms. "I Gotta Badge And Gun" would be standing over the liquor sponge with her hand on the taser.  Any attempt to whip out the worm would be met with 50,000 volts right in the old jizzer.

Someone is going to jail tonight.  Case closed.

Government workers on the public teat. And that teat dispenses...booze!

For those of you that don't live in Southern California there is an area known as the Inland Empire.  (Sounds grand, doesn't it?)  Riverside, California is a big part of that.  In the SoCal sprawl Riverside acts as a bedroom community for a lot of hardworking folks.  It is also home to high crime, illegal aliens, lots of general skeeviness, and the ever popular meth trade.  Here are couple of fine citizens that earn their bread on the public payroll.

Jeezus.  Look at this fuckin' drunk.  Oh, sorry.  Is that you Chief?

Ooops.  Make that ex-police chief Russell Leach since he resigned four days after being involved in a DUI wreck after leaving Club 215, a Colton, CA titty bar on the night of Super Bowl.   Unspecified medical reasons were cited for the resignation.  I'll make a diagnosis.  He's a fucking alcoholic.

After Russ collided with several obstacles including a fire hydrant, he then blew through a light and shredded the tires on his city owned (as in your, the taxpayers) vehicle.  As Russ's luck would have it he was eventually stopped by a unit of his own Riverside coppers, who treated Russ as you would treat your own boss if you found him drunkenly boning your girlfriend while stealing money from her purse.  With leniency and understanding, of course.  So much so, that City Manager Brad Hudson said that it appeared Leach "was provided treatment beyond what other motorists would be afforded in similar circumstances."  Oh, really?  Fucked up driving at 3:00 AM, crashing your car, the reek of alcohol noted by the detaining officers but no field sobriety test and no recommendation for further action.  Yeah, I do think that Joe Citizen may have faced just a bit more hassle than good ol' Chief Leach.

At least after the investigation by the California Highway Patrol now private citizen Leach had to plead out to misdemeanor DUI.  The sentence?  30 days on house arrest.  Whoop-de-doo.  Do you think it might be possible to get liquor and strippers delivered right to your door in Riverside?

Chivas Regal, prescription drugs and lap dances from topless tramps?  Slaps on the wrist and a pension probably somewhere in the six figures.

It is good to be Chief.

 Riverside ex-police chief Russell Leach.

Russ, you're 62 years old.  Time to give up the booze, the pills 

and the titty bars.  Grow the fuck up. 

Class?? Class?? Open your History Text to page....uh....page...uh...where were we?  Uh...oh, shit. Fuck it.  Let's just watch a goddam DVD.

Tonya Neff, 48, is a teacher at Toro Canyon Middle School in Thermal, California (Riverside County).  Drunk and high on pills in the middle of the teaching day, Tonya was arrested for child endangerment.  The child endangerment charge seems a little off the wall to me.  If I had been one of the kids in Ms. Neff's class that day the only thing that would have been a danger is that I might fall out of my desk chair laughing my ass off that my plastered, pill popping teacher was staggering around the room attempting to slur out the day's lesson.

Tonya Neff. 

The pride of the Thermal, California school system. 

The name of the town tells you all you need to know.  It's hot.  And dry.  And when it's hot and dry (and boring) a lady can get a powerful thirst.  Stuck in some goddam dusty little shitwater town in the middle of nowhere in the Inland Empire.  They ought to cut the lady some slack.  Its not like she was out having sex with one of her students in a meth lab.