Sunday, August 23, 2009

The 37,000 felons bound for release by the State of California will all be given reality show applications.

Jasmine Fiore. Proving that having big, bolt-on breast implants
serves some purpose other than making you look
like a human blow up sex doll.

I'm sure by now you've heard about the latest entertainment related murder. (Story here and here.) Ryan Jenkins, contestant on some skankfest called Megan Wants a Millionaire is being sought in the particularly gruesome murder of his recently annulled wife, swimsuit model/stripper, Jasmine Fiore. (Condolences to the departed's family, of course.) Ms. Fiore was apparently beaten to death. Her fingers and teeth were then removed to prevent identification. The culprit was foiled in this however, by the fact that he failed to realize that his ex's breast implants had serial numbers that the cops used to quickly ID the corpse.

I think that this was probably news to most people as it was to me. (The serial numbers that is, not the fact that some reality show skeeve would kill his wife.) I've seen lots of breast implants during ladies' embalmings due to the fact that most of them have had autopsies before they came to the funeral home. This only stands to reason. Breast implants are usually the desire of the 20-45 crowd. Precisely the age for drug overdoses, homicides, suicides, and car accidents (usually drink or drug related) i.e. coroner cases. It's always a little weird to look into the splayed open chest of a person and see two blood covered bags of silicone just sitting there. Granted most folks think all of the stuff that we see is pretty weird. I remember one case where a body came in and she'd been out in the elements for a couple of months. There wasn't much left of her but she still retained one breast implant. I always used to wonder if perhaps there was a coyote out in the desert somewhere that was using the other one for a pillow.

This is Megan Houserman. She wants a millionaire.
The question before us is...what millionaire can't do better
than this butterface.

But I digress. Having an alleged murderer as a contestant on Megan Wants a Millionaire has thrown the production company and the VH-1 network into quite a tizzy as you can well imagine. The show has now been cancelled. I guess Megan Houserman will have to find her millionaire the old fashioned way, by slinking around the bars of Las Vegas trolling for an Arab sheik or a Japanese corporate executive. It seems that reality TV can survive pretty much anything. Tax cheats, garden variety woman batterers, check kiters, crazy parents pimping out their kids for fame and money, and drunken, whorish strippers and trollops staggering around and banging faded, goatish rock stars, all grist for our entertainment mill.

That an honest to god, sociopathic murderer was too much even for the abysmally low standards of reality TV should probably count as a pleasant surprise.

Update: Fox news is reporting that Ryan Jenkins has been found dead in Canada. Suicide by hanging. May God have mercy on your soul, Asshole.

1 comment:

  1. I've just downloaded iStripper, so I can have the hottest virtual strippers on my taskbar.