Look Mommy! Look!!! That lady is playing bouncy lap with that man.

This is such a great performance of drunken public fuckery that I'm shocked that Laura Hall is not involved and it didn't happen in Britain.

I've never been to Batavia, New York, but I can only imagine that they don't see shit like this in their parks every day.  (Unlike MacArthur Park in LA which is like one of Dante's Circles of Hell...illegal alien edition.)

Suzanne Corona, 41, and her fuck buddy, Justin Amend, 29, were caught by police boning on a picnic table in Farrall Park at 5:00 in the afternoon.  Oh, no!!!  What about the chilluns?  When the coppers walked up and asked them what they were doing Suzanne and Justin said, "Just talking."  Which may have been the case but while they were "just talking" they were also just fucking.  Police also report that the couple appeared to be intoxicated.  Hmmm, fancy that.  Sounds like we need to start issuing Asbo's in this country to skeevy rumdum skanks who can't even be bothered to go behind a tree to get their public freak on.

Suzanne and Justin.

AKA The Romeo and Juliet of Batavia, NY. 

What gives this story its "hook", as they say in the newsbiz, is in addition to being charged with public lewdness, Suzanne, who is married and a mom, is also facing an adultery rap.  She could get 90 days in the pokey (tee hee) and a $500 fine.  I say they put Suzanne in the ducking stool and make her wear a Scarlet "A" for a year.

Suzanne, with admirable self-reflection, apologized and admitted that her behavior was inappropriate, but told police "[they would] understand if you knew what my life was like."  So what is her life like?  Well, her husband is "transgender" and they "never have sex."   That sure as hell would be enough to turn anyone into a stew bum fuck tramp that boinks younger guys on picnic tables in the pubic (typo, but I'll keep it) park.  (Question:  Did Suzanne not know that her "husband" was an impotent transgender when she married him?  She doesn't seem like the type who would have any moral compunction about sampling the goods before marriage.)

For all her contrition, Suzanne seems pretty incensed about the adultery rap, and will fight that one all the way.  Her husband is standing by her, you see, so it's really nobody else's concern.  Putting aside the outdoor sex show, of course.

You've got to check out the video.  First of all, the husband looks like a tool and a wimp for standing gamely next to his trollop of a wife, but he sure as hell doesn't look transgendered to me.  I also like how the other half of this sexy time criminal enterprise, Justin Amend, slinks away from the camera like a guy caught masturbating in the church school parking lot.  But the best part is listening to Suzanne trying to spin her way out of her liquored up lewdness.  Like an ace attorney she weaves a tightly honed defense of "Yeah, I was fucking this dude in the park, but it really wasn't like fucking because we both had our clothes on and maybe his cock was just exposed around the zipper area if you really want to get technical about it but nobody could really tell what was going on so what's the big deal anyway?"

Translation?  They were doing cowgirl.

Larry King Update: Shawn's boy-toy talks while Larry's elderly sex obsessions run amok.

The wife, her cooch and the coach. 

The latest rumor is that Larry and the Misses have put their divorce on hold to see if things can be worked out.  Aaaaawwww.  That's nice.  The "You fucked my sister" and "Oh, yeah?  You fucked the Little League coach" poo flinging contest has gone dark for now.

Or has it?  The coach in question is flexing his pecs, opening his yap and giving us the full monty on his Cougar/MILF shagging of the present Mrs. King.  And I must say if Shawn's lady bits are as juicy as the quotes from the coach, Shawn will have every sentient male in the neighborhood lining up for a shot if and when she decides to dump her cadaver of a husband.

Hector Penate, the King kid's baseball coach.

After the game he fucks all the moms 

then does a drive-by.

Shawn's fuck buddy, Hector Penate, 31, told In Touch magazine that it took him all of two and a half weeks to get into Mrs. Hard-To-Get's pants.  And when he did, whoo boy!  Let's hear Hector Fuck 'n' Tell in his own words. "We had sex in Larry's bed -- a lot.  I had sex with Shawn while Larry was on TV. Our sex life was real good."

Some might think that boning a guy's wife in his own bed to be somewhat bad form, but look at the upside.  When the cuckolded hubby has a live TV show all you have to do is turn on the tube, make sure he's there, then have at it.  Hell, fuck her on the kitchen table if you want.  It's not like an angry spouse is going to come walking in the door with a gun anytime soon.

Hector also informs us that Shawn bought him a BMW and paid his rent.  Which in my mind, elevates him from your kid's little league coach to full fledged manwhore.

Good Evening, Ladies and Gentlemen.  This is Larry King Live.  Tonight, I've got a boner...for the full hour!

"So tell me, Pamela.  

What was it you liked best about Tommy Lee's cock.

The length or the girth?"

Meanwhile, back at CNN, Larry is still inexplicably working, despite having senior moments where he forgets who he is and channels Howard Stern.  Last week he asked (and asked, and asked) an embarrassed (how often does that happen?) Pamela Anderson if she wore panties on Dancing With The Stars.  Then a few days ago, he was leeringly agreeing with Sarah Silverman that yes, Sarah Palin should pose nude for Playboy.

I can only imagine that senior CNN executives are starting to give each other the "side-eye" while whispering, "Holy shit, what the hell are we going to do about Larry?"  Well, CNN, you're going to have to do something.  Larry's ratings are starting to tank and he's beginning to act like the old guy in the nursing home that they have to keep a lap robe on because he won't stop masturbating.

The headline I never thought I would write in a million years. Larry King...Bone Daddy!

This just in...Larry King is getting his...I'm going from memory here...I think his 15th divorce.  Oh, sorry, I just re-checked the story.  It's his 8th.  (Larry married wife #3 twice.)   And this one involves more fuckery than the first divorce when his wife caught him laying pipe with Mary Todd Lincoln.  (Back in the Swingin' 60's...the 1860's!!)

"Just keep smiling and don't let go, baby, 

I think I just heard my hip crack." 

Larry, whose birth certificate is written on papyrus in Roman numerals, is currently married to wife number six, Shawn Southwick, 50 and MILF-yyyyyy!  They are now splitsville after 13 years of marriage.  Not the luckiest of numbers but the only one of Larry's that lasted into the double digits.

So what happened?  Easier to say what didn't.  Trouble has been a-brewin' for about the last five years according to sources.  Then in February, Larry took a very public bitch slapping from his wife in front of Nate 'n' Al's restaurant in Beverly Hills.  Shawn is lucky she's not facing a manslaughter rap since an open hand slap could easily kill a guy Larry's age.  Elder abuse is never OK.

What the hell could cause a wife such fury with her decrepit husband.  A cut in the allowance?  Constant bitching about no prune juice in the fridge?   Shitting the bed?  Nooooo.   How 'bout finding out your crypt keeper hubby has been depleting his Viagra supply while buttering the muffin of YOUR SISTER!!!  YOUR YOUNGER SISTER!!!   That's right, dear readers, Larry has been slipping his moldy oldie into the family honey pot.  It's kinda like Tennessee Williams except with old jewish men and their hot shiksa wives.

Shannon Engemann, the home wrecking whore lady in question, denies everything but according to rumors Lusty Larry lavished Shannon with very expensive jewelry and even a car.  Again, Shannon says no hanky panky but admits that Larry has been very generous with the "whole family".  No wonder Shawn is pissed.  Never get between a trophy wife and the spousal wallet.

This is Shannon Engemann, the sultry sister-in-law. 

Gotta hand it to the old pussy hound,  

she's like the hottest babe in the trailer park. 

This is going to get much worse.  Lawyers have been retained and the guns are loaded.  Shawn has a 2008 stint in rehab for addiction to painkillers.  Larry says Shawn was banging the soccer coach.  Shawn and Larry also have two kids and houses galore to fight over.   (Two kids!!  I would have thought that old mummy's balls were filled with nothing but dust.)  All this and no pre-nup.  Ouch!

The Funeral Guy's marital history has had its share of complications, but holy shit, this is one nasty clusterfuck.

Whooo....hooo!