Saturday, June 5, 2010

Is it hot in here? Or is it!

Debrahlee Lorenzana is suing Citibank on the grounds she was wrongfully terminated because she was just too damned sexy for bank work.  Ms. Lorenzana claims that just because her business attire is straining at the seams it's not her fault if her male co-workers can't handle the hotness.  The lawsuit alleges the obligatory sexist comments and blah blah blah.

Citibank says she was let go for not bringing in enough new customers.  (How could this be possible with her ostensibly superlative business acumen and indisputable lusciousness?)

Let's dissect this one a bit.  You know me.  I'm not what you call cynical but...I'm getting a faint whiff of famewhoredom.

Debrahlee Lorenzana on what is clearly 
a very nippy day in the Big Apple. 

Right off the bat I'll give Debrahlee the benefit of the doubt on the pornstar spelling of her name, since this has been a common parental conceit since the 70's.  (Just as an aside, I am so grateful that my folks didn't give me a name that every time I did business over the phone I had to go, "...OK...I'm gonna need to spell that for you...")

And really?  Did the execs at Citibank start rubbing themselves when Debrahlee sashayed down the hall?  In today's corporate culture did men who have probably been through a dozen HR sexual harassment seminars risk throwing their careers out the window by making overtly creepazoid comments to delectable Debrahlee?  I suppose it's possible she's such a siren that a guy just can't help himself, but I'm skeptical.

I will grant that Debrahlee is pretty fetching.  But...this is New York City, which like Los Angeles has hot alluring women in glorious abundance.  I see Debrahlee caliber broads every day.  Even at banks.  (And especially when I get home.  Right, Honey?)  In Omaha she'd be a traffic stopper, but for NYC and LA she's not extraordinarily off the charts.  Debrahlee is also 33 years old and appears to be a gal of borderline zaftig proportions.  What is now voluptuous will in a few years be "weight problem".   Not trying to be mean here, but she was the one who put her babeitude up for discussion.

Next, if you go to the link there is a video and a whole bunch of dreamy, dishy Debrahlee photos.  Here's Debrahlee on the sidewalk with protruding nipples.   Here's Debrahlee in the office wearing fuck-me-pumps.  Here's busty Debrahlee in a tight sweater.  And my personal favorite, Debrahlee spilling out of her slinky dress.  Whoo hoo!  And there is plenty more on other websites.   Anybody else starting to notice that for a serious businesswoman Debrahlee sure has a lot of provocative pictures of herself floating around the interwebs?  Forgive me if I'm not quite ready to give Debrahlee the Norma Rae/I Am Woman Hear Me Roar Proclamation just yet.

On the other hand, I could be totally out to lunch on this one and Debrahlee Lorenzana is a straight up, bona fide victim of the corporate male patriarchy at its most base.  Let me reiterate that Debrahlee is real beauty and it is certainly no crime for a woman to have the nicest body that God, cosmetic surgery and 24 Hour Fitness can give you. (As a matter of fact, I wholeheartedly encourage it.)

So when the time comes and the Playboy, Maxim and other stroke book offers roll in, and the reality show producers start asking if she might consider drunkenly climbing all over Brett Michaels on the Rock of Love bus, let's hear what she has to say.  If she says, "How dare you, sir.  I am a serious person.  A woman of substance.  You can take your sleazy, cheap shot at fame and shove it right up your ass!"

On that day The Funeral Guy will gladly eat his hat.  (If he had one.)


  1. Hey Bro., it is not on your birth certificate, but Mom wanted to spell your nickname "Fyunrael Gee." Try getting anyone on the phone to spell that one right. Ha. Ha.

    A woman of substance for sure. Silicone that is...