There's always the option of putting them on the mantle
in a life-like reproduction of the deceased's head.
h/t The Corner
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
Died on this date:
2402 Innocent People
at Pearl Harbor
December 7, 1941
From a Japanese sneak attack on a Sunday morning. The next day America entered WWII. We should never forget that we always need to be vigilant when it comes to our freedom. Remember Pearl Harbor.
No mystery meat here at The Funeral Guy.
I've been somewhat perplexed by the exact number of doxies in Colonel Tiger's pussy platoon. The list that I'm going with is the seven that I listed in this post. I did notice that I was remiss by not posting a photo of the Vegas nightclub marketing manager Kalika Moquin. Well here she is.
The reason that the list gets as high as nine is because two are unnamed.
Unnamed Woman #1 A 26 year-old waitress from Ontario
Unnamed Woman #2 A London based broadcaster that the London Sun called a "cougar".
We at The Funeral Guy run a pretty tight ship. No name. No photo. You're not on the list, Beeetches.
This is a serious story and we'll treat it as such. (Tee hee.)
How could I have left her out?
Look at those knockers.
The reason that the list gets as high as nine is because two are unnamed.
Unnamed Woman #1 A 26 year-old waitress from Ontario
Unnamed Woman #2 A London based broadcaster that the London Sun called a "cougar".
We at The Funeral Guy run a pretty tight ship. No name. No photo. You're not on the list, Beeetches.
This is a serious story and we'll treat it as such. (Tee hee.)
Even a guy like Tiger Woods is going to bogie a hole every once in a while.
They'll be a whole lot of talk about Mindy Lawton after more people get a load of her lengthy Penthouse letter of a story in the UK News of the World. ("I never thought this kind of thing would happen to me...")
I suggest you read the whole thing but the gist of it is nasty, grinding, furtive, hot, rough, hair-pulling sexy times. After a week and a half of looking at the sexy little numbers on the Tiger Woods hot banging playlist, I'm afraid I gotta mark Mindy down as a closest-donut-on-the-platter fuck. (She was waitressing near his mansion.) Guys? Can we agree we've all been pretty knocked out by the consistent hotness laced with that perfect whiff of skankitude on display with the bevy of beaver in the Tiger harem? I don't wish to be unkind but I would bet that Tiger wasn't the first customer Mindy's had a quickie knee-trembler with up against a car in the parking lot. On the other hand, I do give points for waitress sex. In my rock and roll days I had a hashish loaded one-nighter with a White Castle carhop. The smell of steaming onions never fails to bring back the foggy, sweet memory.
Mindy sounds a little upset that she didn't become Mrs. Woods the Second, but good sport that she is she does give him props for being well-endowed and a hot fuck. Good free advertising for the future adventures of the Woodster. When I played club gigs I used to sneak into the ladies room and write those same words on the toilet stalls with my hotel and room number.
Bonus question: What is the unvarying constant in Tiger's choice of women?
If you need a hint, ask a "Sistah".
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow to see who else has made the list.
h/t tbird
Mindy Lawton.
Rumor has it she was also a groupie for Lynard Skynard.
I suggest you read the whole thing but the gist of it is nasty, grinding, furtive, hot, rough, hair-pulling sexy times. After a week and a half of looking at the sexy little numbers on the Tiger Woods hot banging playlist, I'm afraid I gotta mark Mindy down as a closest-donut-on-the-platter fuck. (She was waitressing near his mansion.) Guys? Can we agree we've all been pretty knocked out by the consistent hotness laced with that perfect whiff of skankitude on display with the bevy of beaver in the Tiger harem? I don't wish to be unkind but I would bet that Tiger wasn't the first customer Mindy's had a quickie knee-trembler with up against a car in the parking lot. On the other hand, I do give points for waitress sex. In my rock and roll days I had a hashish loaded one-nighter with a White Castle carhop. The smell of steaming onions never fails to bring back the foggy, sweet memory.
Mindy sounds a little upset that she didn't become Mrs. Woods the Second, but good sport that she is she does give him props for being well-endowed and a hot fuck. Good free advertising for the future adventures of the Woodster. When I played club gigs I used to sneak into the ladies room and write those same words on the toilet stalls with my hotel and room number.
Bonus question: What is the unvarying constant in Tiger's choice of women?
If you need a hint, ask a "Sistah".
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow to see who else has made the list.
h/t tbird
Mystery solved.
Adolph Hitler.
On top of everything else, a kid-toucher.
Whatever happened to Hitler's remains?
The KGB had them burned along with Eva Braun and Joseph Goebbels' family then dumped in an East German river in April 1970, according to this story.
The Russian leaders were afraid that graves might one day attract Nazi sympathizers. In light of recent history I think that was prescient.
New Tiger Woods skank surfaces. This is really fun!
The new one is a porn star. I give two boners-up for that. I have her as #7, others are calling her #9. I have other things to do today but I'll double check and get back to you.
Holly Sampson #7
At some point doesn't this start to get a little embarrassing for the Woods family?
Update: OK. I think it's seven.
Rachel Uchitel-nightclub hostess
Jaimee Grubbs-cocktail waitress/reality show skank
Kalika Moquin-Vegas nightclub marketing manager
Mindy Lawton-pancake house waitress
Jamie Junger-lingerie model
Cori Crist-nightclub crawler
Holly Sampson-porn star
Damn, dude. Awesome.
Update: I just searched the usual places and saw Holly Sampson in performance. Seems to specialize in MILF porn. OK technique, but horrible, horrible bolt-on, cartoon-sized balloon breasts. Yuck.
Update: I just searched the usual places and saw Holly Sampson in performance. Seems to specialize in MILF porn. OK technique, but horrible, horrible bolt-on, cartoon-sized balloon breasts. Yuck.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Just in case you're keeping count.
Tiger babes number 5 & 6 have just made their appearance.
Jamie Jungers #5
Cori Rist #6
Nice, hot little blondes. Damn. That Tiger must have had a doppelganger to do the golfing. This man was way too busy fucking to be at all those tournaments.
The thought of going to Copenhagen for the climate summit is starting to give me a case of global warming...In my pants!
As you probably know the world will be saved next week because all of the muckety-mucks are going to plant their gigantic carbon footprint in Copenhagen in service to the Goddess Gaia. Yes, the global warming climate change it's-too-fucking-hot-out convention will be coming to town and as with any convention you know what that means. Whores. (God bless 'em.)
Not so fast, says Copenhagen Mayor, Ritt Bjerreagaard. (Try saying that fast three times, whew.) The tight-ass mayor (who's a chick by the way) sent postcards saying "Be sustainable-don't buy sex." to the local hotels in an effort to discourage what only comes natural. First of all, what the fuck does that even mean? "Be sustainable-don't buy sex"? The only sustainability anybody is going to be worrying about is sustaining a boner addled by the prodigious boozing that will be needed after listening to seminar filled days of Al Gore clones droning on about greenhouse gases.
As you can imagine the good trollops of Copenhagen are not taking this lying down. (Tee hee.) So what's their answer to this call to arms? Free pussy to anyone who can produce one of the postcards. Whoopeee!! Somebody get me to a Kinko's chop-chop.
In other Green Worship news, our California governor "Ahnold" Schwarzenegger, aka "The Governator" will be moving next year from the clueless bubble of Sacramento back to the clueless bubble of Hollywood. In what can only be seen as a move to suck back up to his liberal movie pals, The Austrian Oak revealed a map which showed that WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!! The good news? San Francisco is gonna be first.
For fucksy sake, Arnold. Didn't you get the memo? The whole thing is a scam and a sham. A fraud and a fake. A shuck and jive swindle on a global scale. I guess Arnie and his Dem friends in the legislature can't think of a faster way to sink the California economy, so they'll tell us that we are going to physically sink in the ocean if we don't waste more money on Green nonsense.
Can we do a recall of the recall and get Gray Davis back?
Danish whores practicing a tag-team
handjob on one of the local light poles.
Not so fast, says Copenhagen Mayor, Ritt Bjerreagaard. (Try saying that fast three times, whew.) The tight-ass mayor (who's a chick by the way) sent postcards saying "Be sustainable-don't buy sex." to the local hotels in an effort to discourage what only comes natural. First of all, what the fuck does that even mean? "Be sustainable-don't buy sex"? The only sustainability anybody is going to be worrying about is sustaining a boner addled by the prodigious boozing that will be needed after listening to seminar filled days of Al Gore clones droning on about greenhouse gases.
As you can imagine the good trollops of Copenhagen are not taking this lying down. (Tee hee.) So what's their answer to this call to arms? Free pussy to anyone who can produce one of the postcards. Whoopeee!! Somebody get me to a Kinko's chop-chop.
______________________________
In other Green Worship news, our California governor "Ahnold" Schwarzenegger, aka "The Governator" will be moving next year from the clueless bubble of Sacramento back to the clueless bubble of Hollywood. In what can only be seen as a move to suck back up to his liberal movie pals, The Austrian Oak revealed a map which showed that WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!! The good news? San Francisco is gonna be first.
The Governator demonstrates how we will personally use
his huge steroid enhanced mitt to pull Treasure Island
from its watery grave after the big flood.
For fucksy sake, Arnold. Didn't you get the memo? The whole thing is a scam and a sham. A fraud and a fake. A shuck and jive swindle on a global scale. I guess Arnie and his Dem friends in the legislature can't think of a faster way to sink the California economy, so they'll tell us that we are going to physically sink in the ocean if we don't waste more money on Green nonsense.
Is this the nightmare that drives
Ahnold's fear of Global Warming?
Ahnold's fear of Global Warming?
Can we do a recall of the recall and get Gray Davis back?
Died on this date:
Roy Orbison
Singer/Songwriter
April 23, 1936-Dec. 6, 1988
(Age 52)
Roy Orbison had one of the most distinctive voices in rock. His voice was often described as "operatic" and Roy was dubbed early on as "The Caruso of Rock". I remember as a kid that the hair on my neck would stand up when I heard "Running Scared". Roy was an unlikely looking pop star with his big tinted glasses (his eyes were sensitive to the light) and stiff stage manner, but, oh my god, that voice! A natural baritone coupled with a three or four octave range.
Roy Orbison got his start with Sam Phillips and Sun Records, but didn't come into his own until he moved to Monument Records in 1960. It was there that his career really took off with 22 of his songs placing in the Top 40 during his heyday in the 60's. The themes of Roy's songs showed a vulnerability that was unusual in the pop hits of the day. When combined with his soaring vocals, songs like "Running Scared", "Only the Lonely", "Crying", "In Dreams" and, of course, "Oh, Pretty Woman" remain timeless and classic to this day.
Roy's career was mostly moribund through the 70's but when he joined The Traveling Wilburys he finally got his due from stars like Bono and Bruce Springsteen. He was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and the Nashville Songwriters Hall of Fame in 1987. Unfortunately, at the height of his resurgence, Roy Orbison tragically passed away from a massive heart attack.
I highly recommend Roy's last album, Mystery Girl.
I'm posting this video as a tribute to Roy's timeless talent and because it's one of my favorite Christmas songs.
Ladies and Gentlemen...
Mr. Roy Orbison
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