Showing posts with label Shit. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Shit. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

"Hey...I was just trying out my new snorkel."

Piss, poo-poo, pulchritude and a Porta-Potty pervert peeper.  

There is an expression we men use on occasion when we see a lady with a nice rear end.  "I'd eat a mile of her shit just to see where it came from."  I have an associate at the funeral home who uses the variation, "I'd eat her fart box."  Is this piggish?  Oh, yeah.  But, ladies, you have to think of it as a compliment.

That being the case, how complimented must the ladies be at the Hanuman Yoga Festival in Boulder, Colorado?   A person of the female persuasion was in the Porta-Potty getting ready to do her private bidness when she noticed some movement in the tank when she lifted the lid.  Yikes, I'd be thinking snake or maybe a bear or something.   She wisely got the hell out of there a got a man to check the toilet and lo and behold someone was in the tank covered by a tarp.  Now that is a determined pervert with a uncontrollable desire to see female nether parts.  I would imagine the fact that the women are in the process of evacuating is part of the thrill.  The story doesn't say whether the lurking "pee"per was wielding a flashlight to make sure he didn't miss a thing.

A security supervisor waited outside until the suspect fled the outdoor dumper.  The supervisor tried to detain the suspect but off he ran, covered in shadukey.   "The supervisor tried to detain the suspect."  Did he?  Did he really?  If the choice of shooting this (literal) turd burglar is off the table are you really going to grab him?  I'm not.  And I work around gross stuff every day.

One witness said it could possibly be a transient by the name of "Sky".   A transient.  That figures.  You wouldn't want to be caught doing this in the neighborhood you live in, would you?


This was a yoga festival. 
Has anybody checked this guy's alibi? 

Sunday, May 30, 2010

The shit some people will do.

At one time I might have been shocked at this kind of behavior.  But then I saw that MTV extravaganza of guido fuckery, The Jersey Shore, and now nothing coming from the Garden State would surprise me in the least.

In Haddon Township, a 17 year old student took a dump in another kid's soda during shop class.  Even the dumb fuck jokers that ended up in shop class back in my day never pulled anything this simpleminded.  The victim took a sip of the poopy potion then immediately spat it out to the great merriment of his fellow lunkheads.

The cops and prosecutors were less amused with the coprophiliac cretin who eventually pled down from aggravated assault to a count of tampering with a food product.  Tampering?  That's a nice way of saying you gave a guy a shit shake to drink.

Ehhhh...So I took a shaduke in some douchebags drink.
Whaaaaatt!!??  Is that a big fuckin' deal here? 

The judge's sentence was appropriate.  Probation and community service which I'm sure this bozo is no stranger to.  But then the judge threw in the kicker.  Write a 1000 word essay on why it's unhealthy to ingest fecal matter.

A thousand word essay?  For this imbecile that's going to be a life sentence.