Sunday, March 7, 2010

Rubbers...for little boys? Or for shy "little" guys.

A company in Switzerland is making a penis hat ostensibly for the barely post-pubescent crowd of 12-14 year old boys.  An under served market, to be sure.  The jizz bag, measuring 1.7 inches diameter as opposed to the standard 2.0 inch model, has been given the name The Hotshot.  I'm not making this up.  (Do they come ribbed "for her pleasure"?   How about a reservoir tip?  Or is the whole rubber just the tip?) Apparently, a survey found that 25% of German boys said a regular condom was too big.  The other 75% were lying liars.

I would have loved to been behind the two way mirror watching the focus group for this flash of genius.  There's a bunch of the teenie-weenie willy wrappers on the table and somebody says, "Hey?  Are those the things that people who have to leaf through a bunch of paperwork wear on their fingers?"  "No.  Those are jimmies for the precocious pre-teen pussy hunter.  We're trying to come up with a suitable product name."   "Okaaayyy...I think I've got one.  How about the Tot Shot?"  "Hmmmm, a little too racy but I think we're on the right track here."  

Hello Kitty packaging.  And it looks like a lollipop.  Perfect.

I mean seriously.  Do they really consider this to be a moneymaker?  A 12 year old saving up his lunch money so he can buy a six pack of Hotshots?  How many is he going to go through in a week?  I know times have changed and kids are a little more worldly but don't they have to squeeze in homework and video games every once in a while?  England is being looked at as a lucrative market, according to the article due to it's skyrocketing teen pregnancy problem.  (Check this story of the 15 year old Brit teen mom with the twins.  Her mom, who we'll call Ms. Clueless let the boyfriend stay the night and was "shocked" when it "happened."  But as Ms. Clueless says, "What can you do?"  Well, Ms. Clueless, soon you'll be able to leave a package of Hotshots in your daughter's bedroom.  I know the train has already left the station, but "what can you do?")

I think we really know what's going on here.  These boner bags aren't mainly for the squirting young squirts.  These are for shall we say...the more "diminutive" adult male.  You know, the 200 pounds of dynamite with the one inch fuse.  Much better to walk into the pharmacy and ask the cute chick behind the counter for a box of Hotshots "for that damn kid of mine", than to slide around inside a regular rubber like a hot dog in a mayonnaise jar.

P.S.  Just so you know.  Mrs. Funeral Guy assures me I'm exceptionally average in that department.

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