Saturday, July 10, 2010

Brit Gal diddles herself to death. Shocker! Alcohol appears not to be a factor.

The French have a lovely description for orgasm.  Le petit mort.  The little death.

Well, for Nicola Paginton, 30, of Circenster, Gloucsester, her little death became the final journey into the bright white light.  Miss Paginton was found lifeless and pantsless in her bed last October, vibrator at her side and porn on her laptop.  Oh, behave!

Nicola the Naughty Nanny.
If there'd been a man in her bed instead of a 
vibrator and a laptop could she have been saved? 

I guess Britain being Britain it took 9 months to figure out what happened to the saucy Nicola, but it was eventually determined that it must have been a heart attack brought on by arousal.  Hmmm...I'm getting a little tight in the chest and short of breath myself as I think about Naughty Nicola and her last big O.

Just a couple of thoughts.  Nicola worked as a nanny.  Good thing she wasn't buzzing herself to ecstasy while at work as the kiddies were napping.  WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN!!!???  Not exactly an easy death scene to be able to explain, is it Mary Poppins?

I firmly believe that 95% of the world's population in their heart of hearts have the notion that some how, some way, Death will make an exception in their case.  The other 5% work in emergency rooms, as EMT's, hospice nurses or in the funeral trade.  I always think about what if I dropped dead right this minute?  Would my not too mechanically inclined Mrs. Funeral Guy be able to navigate the combination to the safe where our trust is?  How much porn do I have hidden around the house?   Did I leave a tab open on my computer displaying the Pussy XXL Big Labia website.  Where the hell is my cock ring?  Think about it, folks.  If you die suddenly somebody else is going to go through all your shit.  And I do mean all the little dark cobwebbed secret corners of your life.

I used to have a forensics textbook.  It was titled Medico-Legal Aspects of Death.  It had photos of every mode of death that you could possibly think of.  Then it went into some scenarios that you could never imagine in your weirdest nightmares.  Truly gnarly stuff.  I remember one that always stuck with me.  It was a death scene.  By the suits on the cops in the photo it looked like it was some time in the 40's.  It was an old guy on a bed in what looked to be an attic room.  He had rigged up a contraption that tied to his ankles that facilitated his proclivity for fucking himself in the ass with a dildo that was just slightly smaller than the trunk of an oak tree.  Whilst pleasuring himself thus, he had a heart attack and died.  The photo shows the man, legs akimbo, mouth and eyes open, with his huge homemade dildo machine buried in his bunghole.

I always imagined that some time before that picture was taken a mom was saying, "Kids.  Run upstairs and wake Grandpa up from his nap.  Tell him supper's almost ready."

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